I took the dogs for a walk early this morning, before it gets too hot.  It's hazy and smoke has started to blow into the city, obscuring everything.  

I'm so tired and cranky.  Last night I had awful dreams about misplacing small children.  I went to a retirement party, less than ten of us, and it was so hot outside on the patio that I ended up feeling faint and had to lay down on the patio.  Of course this was quite hilarious to some of my co-workers and videos and photos were taken while I lay there.  I sat in the air conditioned house for about fifteen minutes, drank ice water and felt revived enough to drive home.

I just realized that I'm not so much tired as depressed, again.  My feet have been hurting so I've been taking ibuprofen which gives me heartburn, so I take pepcid.  I can take pepcid for a day or two but after that it drags me down.  I was feeling okay until I wasn't and now it has to work it's way out of my system and let my gut back to normal and then I'll be back to normalish, or as close to normal as I come.  

We were shortstaffed on Tuesday and I promptly burst into tears.  I got it together and made it through the day okay but I hate crying at work, even though my co-workers are used to it.  Our shit for brains politicians have decided that nurses should take a 3% pay cut.  The pandemic isn't even over, nurses are worn out and are working short staffed because nurses are not being replaced as they leave;  why not kick them while they're down?  Meanwhile, in the past ten years, these very same politicians wages have more than doubled.  I feel disrespected.

I know I'll feel better soon but I do hate feeling down and weepy.  I need to let go of my expectations and just accept it, sometimes I get depressed and some medications make me feel more depressed.  It's frustrating though.  I work so hard at dealing with my depression and it still bites me on the ass.