Friday, January 3, 2020

There is stuff going on that I don't want to write about right now.  The little guy is healthy and happy and safe.

Yesterday I spent fifteen minutes listening to an old Russian lady.  She spent almost an hour telling people, reception, the manager of CT and everyone else at the reception desk, how hungry she was and complaining that she had to fast for her CT scan and that she needed to see a doctor.  She was frustrated with me, I'm sure.  I told her that no doctor would come and talk to her because she was hungry and wanted to eat.  I told her what her options were, leave now and go and eat or stay and drink the contrast and have the scan.  She liked neither of those options.  The next available scan would be in two months.  Then her story changed to nausea, instead of hunger.  She was a tenacious old lady.  She finally consented to take one drink and then complained about it.  I'm glad she came at the end of the day when I had no other patients to deal with.  I stayed calm, listened to her meandering complaints and then gave her options and let her choose.  She finally had her scan.  All of this happened in broken English with a heavy Russian accent and a translator who had even more patience than me. Part of me admires her tenacity, another part of me wonders if she has brain tumors or the beginning of dementia, and then still another part of me wonders if she just wants some control in her life, someone to listen to her.

My depression seems to have lifted thank goodness.  I know I'm not the only one who finds Christmas difficult but it feels that way at times.  We are constantly bombarded with images of happy families enjoying Christmas and that is just not my experience.  I always expect my family to be nicer, kinder, more loving on Christmas but that doesn't happen and I get sad.  And it's not just my family, it's me too.  I am not a better person on Christmas day, I am still just myself.  I get tired, I get hungry, I get cranky.  There is still laundry and dishes and cooking and shit to do.  It feels like a big lie and then I feel like an ungrateful Scrooge.

But it's the New Year now, the days are getting longer and I'm thankful for that.  I am looking forward to going to Ucluelet again this summer.  The place is just so damned beautiful.  I feel like I can breathe there.

So Happy New Year everyone.  May 2020 be a good year.

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