Wednesday, December 4, 2019

The kitchen will be almost finished today, the last countertop will be installed on the island and I will have my kitchen back.  The dishwasher will be hooked up tomorrow and I will be happy.  It hasn't been hard and it didn't take long but it is a disruption and I have a hard time with disruptions.  

My feet are feeling better which is a huge relief as well.  They're still sore but only a little.  I'm walking normally again and trying to be more mindful of them.  There is nothing I can do to stop the arthritis or the aging of my feet and I have to accept that.  My body is slowing down, despite what my brain wants to do.  

It's been incredibly busy at work.  We even had an extra nurse yesterday, six instead of seven, plus a CT tech and we were all run off our feet.  Everything got done but just busy, busy.  We have a new provincial government who wants to cut health care and education funding so most people are anxious, myself included, about what will happen in the coming year.  The big guy pointed out that I am senior, the most senior nurse and I won't be laid off or bumped but it brings back memories of the early 1990's when there were massive health care cuts and lay offs.  I was laid off for three years.  An entire generation of nurses were lost to other areas, a lot went to the States.  It was a horrible time and those memories came flooding back.

I'm trying to take better care of myself.  I've been so tired lately with one thing and another.  Fatigue affects my depression, plus the short days.  I took a couple of days of vacation this week to rest and restore myself.  The weather is nice right now so I'll take the dog out later, when the sun comes up, for a walk which both of us will enjoy.  The dog discovered the waste basket filled with Kleenex in my bathroom this morning and had a great time shredding them.  She's never done that in that 3.5 years that we've had her and I don't know why she did it this morning.  Boredom?  Irritation?  Who knows.

We had a lovely visit with Katie last weekend.  She continues to do well in her new home.  I am thankful.  She is happy and she is learning.  She continues to enjoy the new word "with" and loves to use it.  I accidently popped her balloon on the weekend, minutes after I paid for it and she was not pleased with me.  I apologized, said sorry but she persisted.  I had to laugh because when she hurts someone she always, relentlessly says sorry.  On Sunday she found out that a sorry is not that satisfying sometimes.  The shoe was on the other foot and she noticed it for the first time.  It's progress.  

I guess my other daughter didn't find my apology that satisfying this past summer either.  Sometimes a sorry is not enough, sometimes we need time too, to take the edge off the pain. Time does heal, I think because it dampens the memory of the hurt, of the betrayal.  Sometimes we need to remember and sometimes we need to let that memory go.  To quote the bible, a time for everything.  

Right now is a time for a shower.

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