Friday, October 11, 2019

It's Thanksgiving here this weekend.  I have a turkey in the oven and the potatoes are boiling for the mashed potatoes.  Everyone is coming tomorrow and then on Sunday, we'll be going to Gracie's parents.  My middle daughter won't be coming this year.  She is busy being angry with me.  My best guess as to why she is angry with me, because in my family we tend not to talk but just hold grudges, is that I won't pay for therapy for her.

About six weeks ago, I got a text message from her asking for money to pay for therapy.  I asked her, "What's up?" and no reply.  Two weeks later, another text asking if I was going to pay for her therapy.  I said, "No, you're a grown woman and I love you."  We had a disagreement this past summer because she felt I was not treating her like a grown woman and now she wanted me to pay for her therapy without talking about anything, just give me the money.  Now.

My middle daughter is angry I think because she doesn't feel like she gets enough support from me.  She was under the impression that I paid for therapy for my son, I didn't, and wanted to know why I was willing to help my drug dealer son but not her who in her words, "Is trying to make something of her life."  I told her I didn't pay for any therapy for my son but she's been silent since.

I know she wants to get married.  She wants a home.  She wants a baby.  She lives in a city where her and boyfriend can never afford a home.  Her boyfriend doesn't want to live with her and seems emotionally unavailable, I only met him the one time but that's the impression I got from him.  Her brother has a baby boy, I'm involved in my grandson's life and she's jealous.

Somethings don't change.  How we interact with our siblings is one of those things.  My middle daughter is the middle child, stuck between an alcoholic, drug dealing brother and a severely disabled sister.  I don't think she ever got enough attention from either me or her father.  She was the easy one, easier than her siblings anyway.  She got the short end of the stick through no fault of her own and I wish I could change that but I can't.

My daughter is jealous of her new nephew.  She wants a family of her own.  I guess I do know why she's angry and it's easier to deflect it onto me than to look at herself.  God knows I do that enough. Fucking hell this life thing never seems to get any easier.

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