I went to a gender reveal party on Saturday night.  When we arrived my son was pleasant and talkative, always a bad sign;  he's usually quiet.  He told me he was going to have one beer that night because it was a special occasion.  I did say, "Do you think that's a good idea?"  He didn't answer.  So much for sober, although I found out from his girlfriend that he has not been sober since she got pregnant, despite what he tells us.

I met my son's girlfriend's parents.  The party was at their house.  They seemed nice enough.  Gracie, my son's girlfriend and I chatted a little.  It was only the second time we had met and I seem to make her quite nervous.

I don't really drink much and the big guy doesn't drink.  Everyone else though, except for Emma was drinking a lot, drinking like they were still in high school.  Does that sound bitchy?  Probably a little.  I'm really not a fan of drinking anymore.  It has brought so much misery into my life and the lives of those I love that I just don't enjoy it anymore.

And the weed, there was a lot of weed.  It's legal now but the whole house reeked of weed and there was a pregnant woman there breathing in all the fumes, sharing it with her unborn baby.  I said that to the big guy and he said that Gracie could have left but she had no desire to do that.   Gracie was the centre of attention and she liked that.  She seems okay but she is so immature.

My son proceeded to get drunker and higher as the evening progressed.  We were only there for two and a half hours and I couldn't wait to get out of there.  They finally cut the cake and found out they're having a little boy.  As we left my son decided I wasn't excited enough about him having a son.  "Are you excited mum?  You don't look excited.", he kept saying to me.

What do I tell him?  I think it's a mistake bringing a child into your life.  I think you will suck as a father.  I think you will lie to your son and probably run away rather than face up to your responsibilities.  I think you will be as bad a father as your own biological father whom you hate.  I think history is repeating itself.

But I didn't.  I smiled and told him I was happy.   I will love that little boy because that little boy didn't ask to be brought into this mess.  And all day yesterday I cleaned my house like my life depended on it because I didn't want to think about my grandson and when there were no more floors to clean I went out and bought fabric for his quilt.