Saturday, July 28, 2018

I worked in the garden yesterday which always helps my soul.  I have only a few annuals in pots but they're right outside my kitchen window so I get to see them all the time.  They cheer me up.  

Most of the backyard is shaded for a good part of the day so I've been adding hostas and astilbes and moving ferns around to fill in empty spots.  We have a lot of trees in the backyard which suck up a lot of moisture so I've been adding mulch around the perennials, cedar mulch which always smells so wonderful.  
The big guy put up this gate for me this year.  I love it.  It makes the garden feel welcoming.  The old gate was solid wood, weighed a lot, never latched properly and hung at a slant.  This one is light and beautiful.

I'm going for a long walk after I post this, before it gets too hot.  Tonight we're going out for supper with friends and tomorrow my in-laws will be over for supper.  Rest and relaxation.

In other news my son informed me that I am going to be a grandmother.  I hope to god that both he and his girlfriend stop drinking.  He says they have, I pray they have.  A baby deserves better than to be born with fetal alcohol syndrome.  I'm torn.  When I got pregnant with me son, nobody was happy.  It was not a good way to bring a baby into the world and I don't want history to repeat itself.  I have to find a way to welcome this baby into the world despite the lies and the drugs and the alcohol.  A fine balance I'm guessing, something I'm not very good at.  I'm more of an all or nothing kind of person, given to extremes the big guy would say.  And I am.  I love with all my heart but once you betray my trust, it's so difficult for me to ever trust again or forgive.

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