Friday, June 29, 2018

I'm back from holidays and I'm just in the process of looking through my photos.  This is a shot of Overlander Falls on the first day of our trip.

We stayed in Vancouver and Ucluelet.  I got to visit with my middle daughter which I enjoyed so much.  She's grown into a lovely young woman, still bossy but with far fewer of the sharp edges that she had as a teenager.  I always worry that my children won't love me, it is a constant fear of mine which is so sad I know.  I stops me from being honest with them at times.  I worry about the big guy getting tired of me as well and that he will stop loving me.  It is my greatest fear I guess, of being unloved, of being unlovable, although that is probably the black dog of depression talking to me.  He lurks always in my mind, waiting to pounce.  It is a daily battle to deal with depression, something that most people don't understand.

But enough about the dark side of my mind.  There is also a bright side, a funny side, a grateful side, a silly side.  Humor gets me through so much.  And the natural world.  The natural world always makes me feel better.  We spent most of our time on beaches or wandering through forests.  It was beautiful and healing.

This photos was taken in Cathedral Grove.  It feels like a holy place, tall trees all around, dead trees laying on the ground providing sustenance for the new growth.  A circle of life.  A reminder that we are born, we live, we die.

My favorite beach, Schooner Cove.  A quiet cove that  requires nothing of me, allows me to just be.

I'm thankful to be home but miss the coast already, or perhaps I miss the nothing required of me while on holidays.  I come home to duty and responsibilities and obligations, none of which are bad things but are things which I allow myself to be dragged down by.  A post holiday funk.

Probably time to work in the garden.

PS I spent 3 hours in the garden and feel much better.

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