Saturday, July 30, 2016


What is depression like?

Depression turns life into a gray, flat world.  Nothing stands out.  Walks with the dog become therapeutic.  Sitting in the sunshine becomes Vitamin D therapy.  Writing, talking, baking, become therapy.  It turns my brain into mush.  I can't remember things.  Everything that I need to do becomes overwhelming.  Nothing is easy.  Sleep is no longer restorative.  My body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, something that has to be dragged everywhere.  Depression would be frightening if I had the energy to care. 

This year has been difficult.  Work has been very difficult.  No friends have died though which is something I'm very thankful for.  My patients keep on dying though.  Patients I cared about.  Patients I've hugged.  The deaths seem to have added up as a heavy weight on my soul.  A friend at work just lost his wife to breast cancer a few days ago.  She was my patient too.  A lovely lady, kind, gentle, loving. 

But wonderful things have happened too.  We moved into a house.  The big guy and I have our own home.  We're close to our granddaughter.  All five of our children are healthy and safe.  We're getting married into a month.  All good things but stressors as well. 

Today I have more energy though.  I'm thankful.  My garden is blooming.  I'm thankful.  The big guy hugs me lots.  I'm thankful.  I dried my sheets on the line yesterday.  I'm thankful. 

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