Saturday, November 21, 2015

I was out for a walk the other morning before work when I got a phone call from Katie's caregiver.  He rarely calls so I was worried when I answered.  I could hear Katie fussing in the background so I got even more worried.  Turns out he was just calling to let me know that he had gotten Katie's table for her wheelchair fixed and that the bill was $300.  He wanted me to know and had forgotten to email me.  I was relieved.

When I went to say goodbye, I asked him to say hi to Katie for me and to tell her that I love her.  Katie hates phones and won't have anything to do with them.  I overheard him passing along my message and then I heard her blow me a kiss.  She's never done that.  Of course I started crying as soon as I hung up the phone.  She surprises me still and I'm thankful for that.  So often it seems as if I don't really matter to her and then she does something surprising. 

I love this photo of her, down at Fort Edmonton park.  She's running, not in her wheelchair and that's how I like to see her. 

I continue to work on my stoicism with some success.  I'm getting better at standing back and asking if I have any control over "this", whatever "this" may be.  It's getting easier.  Less fatigue at the end of the day.  Less bitching and complaining, from me.  My coworkers remain unchanged but my reaction to them has changed, which is all I really have any control over.

Winter is settling in here.  The temperatures have dropped.  We had some snow the other day which brought the city to a virtual standstill.  Only a little snow and everyone forgets how to drive apparently.  One of our young nurses was two hours late for her shift and came in just vibrating.  I told her that it was ok.  She had no control over it.  Let it go.  The days are getting so short now.  Dark for the drive to work and dark for the drive home.  Sigh.  I miss the light.


  1. That is so sweet that she blew you a kiss. I am glad you had the moment. ;-)

  2. Deb, you sound wistful and ready to head inward for the winter. Same here. JB's been sick and we still don't know why.

    That is such a nice picture. You are a loving Mom. I'm glad you're handing it over. Me too :-)



  3. Living in Florida, I miss the snow and cold a bit at this time of the year. Hard to get in the holiday spirit down here. I like that picture of your daughter, she looks so sweet and happy. Kudos for detaching from co-workers. That is a hard thing to do.

  4. I am a new reader without much background but that photo just made me smile from ear to ear!

    I don't know if there's anything better than kisses from kids. You're a lucky mom!

  5. That's a very sweet photo. And there is so little we actually have control over.

  6. Your Katie is always looking so lovely and delicate. I love her gentle smile. I hope you feel better soon, woman. You deserve light.