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noun
I'm reading a book right now, recommended to me by my counselor, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. On the fly leaf it says, "How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself." and that's pretty much what it's about. The irony is, as I read this book I start thinking about other people whom I should give a copy of this book to. I mutter fuck to myself and then continue on reading about how to help myself.
Excerpts from the book.
I saw people who were hostile; they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again. They were that angry because anyone who had tolerated what they had would be that angry.
They were controlling because everything around and inside them was out of control. Always, the dam of their lives and the lives of those around them threatened to burst and spew harmful consequences on everyone. And nobody but them seemed to notice or care.
I saw people who manipulated because manipulation appeared to be the only way to get anything done. I worked with people who were indirect because the systems they lived in seemed incapable of
tolerating honesty.
I worked with people who thought they were going crazy because they had believed so many lies they didn't know what reality was.
All of what she writes strikes a chord with me and I keep thinking she must have lived with me for pretty much my whole life. Apparently I'm not crazy.
I read a Melody Beattie book back when I was in my mid-twenties and newly married and divorced (in two years!) -- it was, I think, called "The Dance of Intimacy." It changed my life at the time -- I can imagine that all of her books are as wise and probably only grow more resonant as we age.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to take a look at that book. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteCodependent No More changed my life 30 years ago....it became my bible for the longest time. I read it about once of year now....just to keep me on track.
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