I work with a woman who drives me crazy. She is a control freak, a victim, self centered, self righteous and oblivious. I have a very difficult time dealing with her. She pushes all of my buttons and I am my worst self around her, no matter how hard I try to be professional. The thing is, I don't want to do this, to be this person. But I cannot figure out what buttons she is pushing so that I can disconnect and be rational and sane around her.
I'm a good nurse, compassionate, hard working and skillful. She distrusts me, despite the fact that she makes many mistakes and acknowledges none of her mistakes. When I make a mistake, I apologize, I fix what I have done and then I endeavor not to make that mistake again. We all make mistakes but what really burns my ass is that she not only doesn't acknowledge her mistakes, she keeps making the same fucking, stupid mistakes over and over again!
There are only four nurses where I work. We are a small group and this causes problems and I realize that I am part of the problem. Her lack of trust pushes my buttons but I can't figure out why. I've been thinking about it for the last day and can't figure out why. Usually I know when I've hit upon a truth because I start crying. I haven't started crying.
I don't want to be the person I am when I'm around her, small, mean, resentful, passive-aggressive. I want to be a better person but I keep getting sucked into her vortex and then spiral down.
Anybody have any ideas or similar experiences?
I think anger boils down to a feeling that we have been seen as or treated unjustly. In my work there are people that manage to leave me feeling like garbage even though I do my job well. Yes, I make mistakes (two in the last two days!) but I called my nurse supervisor and admitted it. (It was a work schedule mistake, not patient centered.) The same mistake was made by another worker and she just covered it up and she will likely not get caught, I am angry because she didn't do what I feel is right. My expectations of her trips me up. She has her way of living her life and I mine.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this makes sense. I try very hard to NOT have expectations of other people but I can't seem to live it fully.
I was talking with the big guy last night and I think you have something with the "...treated unjustly." We talked about injustice last night and I burst into tears. Aha!
DeleteThis is going to surprise you. Try killing her with kindness just for one month. For one month, be ALWAYS kind, always a good listener, always let her have her way. And then, after that month, you can say whatever you want because you can tell yourself that you tried. And then, do something if she hasn't stopped bothering you. Turn her into HR. Tell your supervisor what she gets away. At least you can always say that you tried and your kindness just might knock her senseless and she'll react nicely.
ReplyDeleteI tried the kindness for over a year, made no difference to her. She has been reported to HR, more than once but it's very hard to get rid of a nurse. Last year she walked out of a line insertion with the patient on the table, an open incision and left the doc hanging. WTF! And she didn't get fired.
DeleteI don't suppose there is an HR person who could act as a mediator?
ReplyDeleteI had a supervisor once who really yanked my chain and I had a very hard time not seething. Ultimately, I left that place, in large part because of her terrible management style.
I am thankful that she's not my manager, I would have to leave. I love my job though, especially my patients.
DeleteIt is very very hard when someone acts that way. Actually all you can do is deal with it in your own (better) way, otherwise you just do end up descending to her level. Console yourself with the idea that she obviously feels that way herself. It's one of my rules of thumb that whenever people make you feel bad, they are making you experience what they think secretly about themselves. Surprising how often this seems to be true.
ReplyDeleteI agree, she doesn't trust herself, with good reason apparently, and as a result trusts nobody else. It's tedious and disruptive.
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