Sunday, September 29, 2013

Random thoughts on a Sunday morning.

I had a patient last week, in her late thirties, early forties.  She had a brain tumor that was just discovered last month.  She had felt sick for a month and then had a massive headache.  When she had a CT scan they found a brain tumor and emergency surgery.  She says people tell her "how awful" and she tells them, "No, I woke up.  Everyday is amazing."

I miss Miss KT, miss seeing her sleeping at night, miss sitting with her before she goes to bed, her head in my lap which she eats a bowl of popcorn.  I miss listening to her sing, a strange sound that she makes when she is contented and happy.

I don't miss everyday starting with her feet hitting the floor of her bedroom and me having to be "on".  I don't miss having to be constantly vigilant while she is awake.  I don't miss being assaulted by my beautiful, anxious daughter.

I know Miss KT is safe and happy enough where she is but I still worry.

I am beyond tired of dealing with a passive-aggressive co-worker.  She makes work miserable, all the time.  When she starts work I can feel a dark cloud descend upon the department and it's not just me, we all feel it.

My son and is girlfriend are coming over for supper tonight, they won't be here for Thanksgiving so I'm making a big meal tonight.  My son is growing up and I'm so proud of him.  He's going to school and doing well.  He's supporting himself, taking care of himself, he's clean and straight and he has the love of a good woman.  I got pregnant with my son when I was only twenty years old, far too young to be a mother, especially me.  We survived though, he and I.

And the photo above, Tangle Creek Falls on the Parkway Highway between Jasper and Banff.  It's one of my favourite waterfalls.  We always stop here.  The big guy watches as I scramble around on the hill.  I love climbing this hill and one day want to make it all the way to the top.  I feel like a kid again as I climb.  I think he knows this and that's why we always stop there. 


  1. Such a beautiful recounting of your thoughts and life's small moments that aren't necessarily small. I miss seeing Katie here -- miss hearing about her.

  2. My niece is mentally handicapped and has always lived with my sister and her husband. I've never thought this arrangement was that beneficial to her. My sister gets exhausted with the constant vigilance and her husband is no help at all, just this nit picking lump. Bing tells me that in the handicapped music class that she used to teach, the happiest kids were the ones who DID NOT live with their families. A strange truth, but I think it takes a lot of a caregiver and they either need frequent breaks or be able to have their child away from them, out of love and recognition that they are not a saint and can't be expected to be. I think you made a wise decision with your child.