This photo of the lake was taken two days ago. Yesterday it rained hard and a little bit of water got into the basement, because the ground is still frozen. Now it's snowing. Sigh.
I woke up from a strange dream feeling sad. I dreamed I was in the mountains and got some amazing photos of a waterfall and a drone capture image of the mountain peak in all directions. It was so beautiful. And then for some reason I was on a snowmobile but snowmobiles aren't allowed in the mountain parks and I felt awful. I was doing something wrong and I was going to get in trouble. I woke up feeling like this. WTF.
I also just yelled at the cat who went outside and then wanted back inside, and then went outside, and wanted back inside. It's snowing out. She doesn't want to be outside but won't believe it until she goes outside herself. So I yelled at her (she doesn't care) and then I burst into tears. WTF.
I looked up coversyl side effects and sure enough, irritability, mood swings, and depression are all side effects which is why I hate medications. At least I know why now but I hate feeling this way. I feel like a mess.
I'm also angry that I spent $1000 for summer camps for Jack (only four weeks of camps, nine weeks would have been over $2000) and none of his other guardians, or his parents, have stepped forward to either pay for those camps or spend time with Jack over the summer.
I'm in a mood obviously. I have a walk with a friend set up for this afternoon, so that might help, I hope. Right now I'm just angry
Well, if it's any consolation, you took a very accomplished, artistic photo of "the lake" and its reflections.
ReplyDeleteDidnt she though!
DeleteThanks Debra but it's my walking path. Sigh.
DeleteDont you just hate it when you hate feeling the way you feel!
ReplyDeleteI want to be somebody else -- somebody better -- sometimes. Why cant I just snap my fingers and make it happen, dammit!
Hang in there girlfriend. It's not easy to feel good when "anger is passing by.".
I would like to be a better person but today, I just don't want to be angry.
DeleteThe other side of the family is derelict in their responsibilities to Jack. If they can't donate time, then pay for more camp time. It's just not that hard.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your hand is so bad from the fall. That really sucks. I'm losing a finger nail on my left pinky finger, and that is such a nuisance, I can't fathom losing use of a thumb.
In the last week I've paid out $1500 for lessons and camps. I don't begrudge Jack these opportunities, but it does piss me off that nobody else even thinks to lift a finger to help out.
DeleteMy thumb is improving, slowly. It'll probably take another month or two to heal.
I’m so sorry about the side effects from the medicines. You are already dealing with so much without that added burden. ❤️
ReplyDeleteHopefully the side effects wear off with time. I had a lovely walk with my friend and Charlie.
DeleteI didn't like coversyl (or it didn't like me). I changed and so far (after many years) all is good although I do sometimes wonder if my odd aches and pains could be down to various medications. The joys of getting older.
ReplyDeleteJack's other side of the family should step up but we all know they won't. Your anger is justified. Feel it, express it then let it go.
I'm going to hang in there for two weeks on the coversyl and see if things improve. My blood pressure is much better now, so that's good. I'm hoping the irritability and mood swings decline, and just knowing that they can happen is good.
DeleteI really don't think anybody else is going to help out financially with Jack.
Dogs can sense emotions. If cats can too, there is no sign of it.
ReplyDeleteMerlot above mentioned changing medications. I take two blood pressure medications, without side effects.
Cats sense emotions more than we think they do, they just don't care:)
DeleteI'm glad you don't have any negative side effects.
I've done well with bisoprolol although the diuretic isn't always fun to deal with. I didn't like my first medication but there are so many others to change to. I hate feeling angry and disappointed about people and their lack of support and care for their loved ones. Not only that, but it HURTS. I ache for Jack and you!
ReplyDeleteThe anger and crying was just out of the blue which bothered me. If I know where it's coming from, that helps me to deal with it.
DeleteMy husband and I have been paying everything for Jack for the last 4.5 years and I don't see that changing.
I just went back and read all of your posts that I missed. Wow, a lot has been going on with you. Like you told me in my last post, a blog is a great place to vent our frustrations. That photo is a great one. It makes me realize that when I am cold, the "cold" is nothing compared to an Alberta "cold." Take care.
ReplyDeleteThat photo was a lovely warm day:) And yes, I vent here because it gets shit out of my head where it just swirls and turns into shitty thoughts.
DeleteI know it likely wouldn't do any good but I think invoices sent to the other family members of Jack would at least poke them a little. The only medication I am on is antidepressants. I have never had side effects from either one. It seems from the comments there may be something else you could try? We will reach 75 F today. The weather is a bouncing ball.
ReplyDeleteSince that photo was taken we've had rain and then snow last night and everything is frozen again. Keeps us on our toes:)
DeleteAn invoice wouldn't do anything other than piss people off. It's a fine line.
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ReplyDeleteThat would be frustrating, to have to cover the cost of all the camps. What would happen if you asked the other relatives for help? They might say no but at least you tried. And just think of how much Jack will gain from the experience.
ReplyDeleteI did reach out to them. We'll see what happens.
DeleteReaching out must have been hard. I'm sorry about that. I hope it turns out that they are just oblivious--which they have shown themselves to be, certainly. And that they're not actively hostile to the idea of helping.
DeleteWhen I was was young it was always me and my mother and my grandmother working in the kitchen after holiday dinners, while my Aunt Lucy sat in the living room with the guys. And we griped about her in the kitchen. Then after probably 15 years or so, somebody had the idea of asking her for some help. She leapt up with alacrity. She'd apparently just been waiting to be asked...
I doubt your people will come through quite as brilliantly but it's certainly worth a try.
I don't suppose anyone is surprised that Jack's other family didn't even think to help out financially. Some people seem to think life (and finances) just function on their own. I'm so sorry, but in the end Jack's better off with just you and the Big Guy!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sorry I asked. If nothing else, they might realize how much it costs to raise a child.
DeleteIt's what happens with families, seeing Jack in good hands and not stepping up with anything better than excuses. So much easier for them. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, as if you didn't have enough. As my mom would say diamonds in your crown! The heavenly one, that is. And I'd snarl, I need it now, never mind when I'm dead!
ReplyDeleteI would agree with you, I'd rather have it now, never mind when I'm dead:)
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