We've had a fair bit of rain so things are finally turning green.  The down side of the rain is the mud puddles at the dog park that call the dogs, like sirens calling sailors.  Retrievers are the worst, they can't stay out of the water and the mud.  I wonder how much time their owners spend giving them baths.  Charlie is always so much happier when he can just stretch his legs out and run full speed.  I'm happy watching him run like that too and I always feel better when I'm outside, walking.

Today the sun is finally shining so I'm planting the annuals I bought, so hopefully, two weeks ago.  I'm also fertilizing the lawn, picking up sticks that the dogs have pruned off my bushes over the winter and just a general tidy up.  I still have more flowers to plant but I'm waiting on my hubby to finish restaining the the upper portion of the deck before I spread dirt and water everywhere.  

My brother turned sixty at the beginning of the month.  My neice and her partner were here for supper when she mentioned that her mom, dad and brother had all gone on a European cruise to celebrate my brother's sixtieth birthday.  I DM'd my sister in law to wish my brother a happy birthday.  My brother doesn't have social media accounts, my brother is not allowed to have social media accounts actually.  He gets himself and others riled up.

Last week I texted my brother and asked how the cruise had been.  He called me back and we talked for half an hour.  We have had a difficult relationship since mum died.  I was angry with my siblings for a long time after mum died, how little they helped mostly with mum's care.  It seems I am the one who always takes care of people, including both my parents.  

Two years ago I reconnected with my brother and sister in law and my sister in law shared with me how much my brother suffers from depression; he was suicidal for awhile.  I didn't know but then I've never really shared much about my mental health with him either.  He's still a difficult guy to get close to, he keeps people away with sarcasm mostly.  I keep people away by just closing myself off.  I realized we're not so different.

Mostly though I realized he's the only one who remembers what it was like growing up in our house.  My sisters were grown and married by the time we were five and six years old.  I want to talk to him about our lives, our family, what it was like growing up in that house.  We have that connection.  I want to have my brother in my life. 

So my brother and I talked and as he was saying goodbye, he said, "I love you." and I said, "I love you too." and I realized it was true.  Life always surprises me.