I've been working on getting out and walking the dogs more frequently, to make sure my feet are good to go back to work. Somebody carved two hearts into a dead tree. I couldn't resist.
I want to apoligize to all of the people who left comments and who I only found today in my spam folder. My bad.
Jack is with his aunt and uncle this weekend. They took him up to Lac La Biche for a birthday party thing, so we have time to ourselves. It's weird and lovely. I slept until 8am this morning. Jack usually gets up at 5:30 or 6am, so sleeping in is heaven.
When I picked up Miss Katie this morning she had received a jury summons in the mail. I had to laugh and I so badly just wanted to show up with her at the jury selection site, but I filled in the form online that tells them that she has an intellectual disability and that she can't read, write or speak. Katie would have loved it. All of those people to say hi to and to shake hands with, heaven. This morning she met a seven week old baby at the mall. She was over the moon and I thanked the mom for stopping to talk to Katie.
I had a couple bad days last week. My stomach has been giving me a hard time, lots of reflux so I've been taking pepcid. I was doing pretty good and I always get to a point where I think, okay, I can take this without my depression getting worse. And then the next day I dropped into a dark depression where I thought about suicide, a lot. At least now I know what causes it and I stopped the pills. The worst of it was gone the next morning but I don't know what to do. My GERD isn't going away, neither is my depression. I'm sleeping on pillows piled up so I'm half sitting to prevent the reflux. I also know that the reflux puts me at increased risk of esophageal carcinmoa. What to do?
I met with a realtor last Friday, he looked at the condo with me. My renter is moving out on March 4th and then there will be cleaning and painting. I want to get the condo on the market asap. My realtor asked me three or four times how people (my renter) can live in such filth. I told him I had no idea.
I'm reading "Bewilderment" by Richard Powers right now (thank you Sabine). It's a wonderful, heartbreaking book and I would recommend it. I loved his last book too, "Overstory".
When I spiraled into darkness last year because i was under medicated for low thyroid, I wondered how many people struggling with depression just need an adjustment of meds. I'm sorry you're struggling. I have found that chewing gum helps my acid reflux. According to Dr. Google it works quite well for some. Hang in there. We all need you here. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThe depression just gets much worse when I take certain other medications. I'm so glad that you got your thyroid sorted out. I'll take a look at the gum, never heard that.
DeleteWell, here I am with my unsolicited 2 cents worth, as usual. Do you see a gastric specialist for your reflux issues? Mine put me on a prescription drug called Pantoloc to reduce stomach acid. It's a proton pump inhibitor (PPI) which Pepcid is not. Pepcid is a histamine-2 blocker (H2 Blocker), which is only about 20% as effective as a PPI. I don't know if switching could relieve the pretty dramatic depression side effect but it could be worth looking into. Pantoloc works great for me. Like any drug, though, it has its risks, none of which I hope show up.
ReplyDeleteI don't see a gastric specialist. I do have pantaloc but didn't like it's side effects either. I'll give it another try. Exacerbation of depression is a fairly common side effect from many drugs I'm learning. Yay for me. And thanks for your 2 cents, I appreciate it.
DeleteHave you tried Omeprazole instead of Pepcid? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteMy mum was on omeprazole but I just looked it up and it's a PPI too. My dad had a terrible time with side effects as well and I've diagnosed myself (of course I did), as a poor metabolizer. If there's a weird side effect, I usually end up with it and I know my doctor doesn't believe me which is frustrating. I'll do more research and talk to my doc again.
DeleteMy sister had to have part of her oesophagus (sp?) removed due to reflux and the operation worked like bariatric surgery. She lost 53 kg and while she had a bit to lose no way did she need to lose that much! And now she has trouble keeping the weight on but she says it beats the reflux hands down! I hope you find a solution soon!
ReplyDeleteWow, if I lost that much weight, I'd only weigh 35 lbs. That doesn't sound like a great solution. My brother has Barrett's esophagus, precancerous changes to his esophagus.
DeleteAs your rental property will be a bit of a mess when it is vacated and given your health issues and child-minding duties might it not be a good idea to pay for cleaning professionals to go along and sort it out? Maybe a professional decorator too? Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI am paying someone to clean the place and paint the ceilings. I'll paint the walls myself as I enjoy painting and the place will be empty, unless I run out of time and then I'll pay someone to do that as well, but thank you for worrying about me:)
DeleteDidn't know about Pepcid/depression connection! After some research , found that PPIs also are associated with depression. Thanks for the "ah-ha!" moment.
ReplyDeleteEighty percent of serotonin is produced by our gut (intestines) and maybe that's the connection. Who knows?
DeleteThat last graphic is a total hoot!
ReplyDeleteMy husband asks me what's wrong sometimes, I tell him that's just my face. He has the same resting grumpy face now too.
DeleteI had no idea that something like Pepcid could interact negatively with depression. I've been in the dark place the last couple of days, but I'm not taking that.I am happy you get some quiet time and were able to sleep later. Good luck getting the condo sold.
ReplyDeleteThere are a numberr of common drugs that make depression worse.
Deletehttps://www.aarp.org/health/drugs-supplements/info-02-2012/medications-that-can-cause-depression.html
I hope your gastric troubles get better. I usually do 3 or 4 days of blandest food like plain porridge and it does the trick. Also, science has copped on to the relationship between gut bacteria and mental health.
ReplyDeleteWe really do feel things in our gut it seems.
DeleteDamned if you do and damned if you don't, as the saying goes. Medication seems to always cause other issues. I've discovered that my body doesn't like tylenol (can't spell the actual name) so I avoid taking it but it's also in the cold medication I have. I can't imagine living in filth but your renter isn't the only one. Is it like Hoarders? Note: my late husband used to watch the show sometimes and I would need to leave the room. It was so gross and SAD.
ReplyDeleteTylenol so seldom causes problems that I wouldn't believe my husband when he said it made him feel goofy, now I believe him and you.
DeleteShe's not a hoarder just dirty, food on the floor, lots and lots of clutter, stuff spilled and not cleaned up, and an astonishing amount of yarn.
I'm late to this dark party but want to send you my love and hopes that you will hang in there. You are loved. I'm so sorry to hear of all that you go through, including the physical shit. Life.
ReplyDeleteI'm hanging in, always:) I had a small epiphany last night about hope which was lovely. I'll write about it sometime. Take care Elizabeth.
DeleteHello, I read your blog and I don’t think I’ve ever commented. So sorry.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to comment on what worked for me with my reflux. Gastrointestinal dr put me on Prilosec and that worked. My son takes it too until he did some research on it. We are both now using probiotics daily and it worked for us! Don’t know if that might help you?
Sorry about that renter! My sister lives like that. We were not brought up that way so it must be laziness! It’s pretty disgusting.
My son is fighting cancer so I find your compassion as a nurse so uplifting.
Patty (USA)
Prilosec is the same drug as omeprazole and has the same side effects sadly. Maybe I should try probiotics. I'm sorry to hear about your son. It's always awful when things happen to our children; we would trade places with them in a heartbeat.
DeleteI used to work with young people with physical and intellectual disabilities. One boy had parents who lived in Spain and one day we received his call-up papers for the Spanish army!
ReplyDeleteToo funny. My daughter was discharged from jury duty after I filled in the form online. I remember one time when somebody called wanted to talk to her and I told them she doesn't talk. Silence.
DeleteIt's always something, and it's never good. Here's hoping you get the gerd sorted.
ReplyDeleteShit happens, or in this case, acid happens:)
DeleteI hope the GERD has gotten better. Is it related to diet, do you think? I like 37Paddington's suggestion above -- chewing gum as a solution would be pretty amazing!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny about Miss Katie getting called for jury duty. Not a situation I ever really thought about. I guess they must excuse people all the time for disabilities.