Monday, August 1, 2022


The wild asters are blooming.  I told Jack that when they start to bloom, summer is half over.  I always love to see them but it also makes me sad.

I talked to my daughter last night.  She had a bad fall on Friday; she was running with the dog when she fell, and was worried she would have to go to emergency.  She didn't go to emerg and felt much better the next day, except for her neck.  No bones broken, swollen knee, abraded skin and whiplash.  

I'm thankful she's back in my life again.  She's a tough nut, just like her mum.  We're both older and more mature now and once again, we're rebuilding our relationship.  I see her as an adult now, instead of a child, that helps.  I always say to people that you don't have a baby, you give birth to a person but I don't always follow my own advice.  Her life, her decisions.  And she seems much more accepting of me living my life and making my own decisions.  I worry about her, worry about her health declining and I know she does too but neither of us have any control over that.  Time will tell.

We don't have Jack this weekend so we're at loose ends.  I'm reading a very good book right now, "Still Life" by Sarah Winman.  It took me awhile to get into it, but I love it.  You can't read it fast, which is how I usually like to read books.  It's about art and Florence, Italy and family that we construct and women and history.  Ambitious but it works.  

Here's a link to a review of the book.

Otherwise, not much happening.  I'm feeling down, worry about Jack, trying to figure out how to deal with my mother in law and still a sore foot.  My mother in law is not who I thought she was and I guess I'm grieving the loss of that.  She has been cruel to her sons, not just controlling, or maybe unintentionally cruel by way of control.  I don't know, but I've lost something that I had and I'm sad.  My father in law is doing remarkably well.  He no longer has an indwelling catheter, so he's no longer getting UTIs.  His appetite is back and he's stronger.  He still has mild dementia but he's content for the most part.  When we visit, I ask him questions about the past, a glimpse into the past, unvarnished by my mother in law.  It's not always pretty.

I think too much, feel too much but it is who I am.    

21 comments:

  1. I'm happy for your re-connection with your daughter. I have a brother I have not seen nor heard from in almost 30 years, it's good that isn't happening with your daughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've been off and on since I divorced her father. Right now is good and I'm hopeful.

      Delete
  2. I'm happy that your daughter wasn't badly hurt and that you have re-connected with her. Being a tough nut makes us more able to handle what life throws our way so that's a positive. However, it doesn't make the worry and stress any easier. I discovered the same about my late husband's family when he got sick and then died. They weren't who I thought they were which was another loss I had to grieve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't realize how much it was bothering me until I took a friend course at work. We grieve all kinds of things I realize now.

      Delete
  3. You have so very much on your plate. You have had to be so strong. And you are strong- but I wish you didn't have to count on that strength so much.
    I, too, am glad that your daughter is back in your life and also glad that she is okay after her fall. She may have to modify her activities and I know she will not want to do that. Life is hard, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She knows she can't run anymore, she's too unsteady on her feet but when you're young, you want to run with your dog.

      Delete
  4. I'm so glad your daughter is back in your life too. I think as a mother it is sometimes hard to let go of the little girl (or boy) and accept that they are adults now, but I think if you can do that things can work out!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm sorry that you are sad about your MIL. Is there a possibility that early dementia might be causing personality changes? It isn't uncommon. Not that it would necessarily make it any easier. I'm glad you have your daughter back in your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My mother in law doesn't have dementia, just a huge need to control everything. I just didn't realize how bad it was until lately, and how damaging it is to her children. A good lesson for me.

      Delete
  6. It's hard being a parent to adult children. Your mother in law sounds like a piece of work. I discovered late in the game what a nasty man my father in law was. After years of thinking of him as charming and delightful. He was not. Those realisations always hurt. Jack will be back with you before you know it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We pick up Jack tomorrow which makes me smile. I feel like I've been misled which is not nice.

      Delete
  7. I'm happy you have your daughter back in your life.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Echoing your final sentiment, we are indeed who we are. We might like to change that truth but it's impossible. I feel that strongly about my late brother. He could not help who he was, who he became, how he witnessed the world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's difficult accepting yourself, or maybe it's just difficult finding people who accept you as you are.

      Delete
  9. The guilt tripping is such an ingrained part of motherhood and I wish there was a magic wand for all of us.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am happy your father in law is doing better. Removing the catheter will certainly improve quality of life. As to the mother in law, it's just sad. Hope your daughter heals up and can keep running. We used to run, until our various body parts told us to stop doing that.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My daughter can't run anymore, she's too unsteady on feet but knowing and accepting are two different things.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm glad you and your daughter are both working on your relationship. And I'll have to look for the Winman book. I haven't heard of it.

    I feel the same way about Japanese anemones that you do about asters. When they begin blooming in our garden back in London it always means summer is ending and school is about to start. They'll probably be in flower when I get back from the states.

    ReplyDelete