Big sky country indeed.  The view towards Waterton National Park from Police Outpost Provincial Park.

I finished our quilt yesterday which felt good and I put my sewing machine away until the fall. 

We took the dogs for a quick walk after I picked up the big guy from work.  The sky was threatening so we only walked halfway and back.  We had quite the storm last evening.  When it gets hot here, the weather gets bad. 

I'm feeling slightly better which is good.  I'm trying to remember that I have no control over the behavior of others, just my own actions.  I'm trying to remember to breathe.  I'm trying to make it through each day. 

It's sunny today so I've planned on treating myself to a drive and a chance to take photos, something I rarely do by myself.  I always have a list of things to do which gets shorter and longer and shorter and longer.  I cross things off and then add new things.  None of these lists will matter when I'm dead of course.

I was on Elizabeth's blog this morning and she was writing about her daughter's seizures.  I imagine she's always waiting.  Waiting for a seizure, waiting to see how long the seizure is, waiting to see how severe the seizure is, waiting to see if Sophie survives the seizure.  Endless waiting.  She's done this for twenty-five years. 

The pandemic feels like this endless waiting too.  It's a heavy burden for Elizabeth to bear and she does bear it with grace and wit and dark humor.  Now with this pandemic, we all know a little of what Elizabeth has faced for the past twenty-five years.

A friend of mine in Australia, a friend from my teenage years, is waiting too.  Her husband has been diagnosed with lymphoma and they are waiting for pathology reports and waiting for CT scans and waiting for a treatment plan. 

So I guess I can buck up and learn to wait and accept with equanimity because there are no other choices.  I've tried them all, anger, denial, bargaining, depression and it's gotten me nowhere.  And now there is a pandemic.  I always want to control things.  I have no control over a pandemic or how others react to this.  I wash my hands, I wear a mask in public, I limit my interactions with others and that's all I can do. 

With my son I have set boundaries that he can no longer cross and that's all I can do.  I need to accept.  The universe is a tough teacher and tenacious, but what about me?  Can I learn?  Can I unlearn?  That's the real question, isn't it?