I'm tired.  Tired of living with depression that sucks the life out of me.  I saw a young doctor the other day for a refill of my meds.  She asked how my mood has been in the last two weeks.  I've been fighting depression for forty-seven fucking years and she wanted to know how the last two weeks have been.  Fine I told her. 

I'm practicing my meditation.  I'm taking my meds.  I walk the dog and still I cry.  I told my boss and a friend that I would see a counsellor but the thought of telling my sad tale to another stranger isn't appealing right now. 

It's the weather.  It's the dark.  It's my brain chemistry.  It's my failings.  It's my life.  And it will pass.  But right now, tonight,  I'm struggling.