I just finished reading a lovely lady's blog and it made me think about kindness towards one's self.  I'm not very good at that.  I like to think I'm a good person but I know I can be very unkind, short tempered, judgmental and impatient.  Do those qualities make me a bad person?  Or are they just a part of me?  Like the compassion I feel for others, my sense of humor and my work ethic?  I guess I only want the good stuff and not the bad stuff.  Except are those qualities even bad?  Again with the judging:)

I still struggle with the fact that I dislike people, even if I have reasons to dislike them.  I don't forget when people hurt me or lie to me or stab me in the back.  Am I supposed to forgive everything and everyone?  I'm not able to hide my feelings.  Every single thing I think or feel shows on my face which makes it difficult at times.  I try and fail and try and fail to get along with some people. 

I think when it comes down to it, I don't trust myself, my feelings or my thoughts.  I second guess myself all the time.  Is this real?  Should I feel like this?  Why can't I be easier, less meticulous, more relaxed?  And yet I am relaxed at times.  I tend to think in black and white, either, or, when life is much more messy and gray and both at times. 

I doubt this lovely tulip worries that it is so different from the others around it.