Sunday, April 3, 2016
We bought a house last night. Hard to believe how much life has changed in the past five years. I moved into this condo five years next month. I was scared, terrified that I wouldn't be able to manage. I found a full-time job that I love. I have a new love who accepts me as I am. I have new friends, a new granddaughter. Life is full and I am so thankful.
I am tired at the end of the work day. Very tired some days and I've been trying to figure out why. Part of it is my age. But part of it is me. I never do things half way. When I was home full-time I was exhausted at the end of the day too. It's just the way I roll. I'll try to quit worrying about being a different kind of person.
The new home backs onto a green space. There is a huge park and a pond behind our house. There will be geese and ducks within walking distance. Our granddaughter will be a short walk away. I will have a yard to putter in, my hands will be in the soil again.
I lay awake last night when I went to bed, thinking about all of things that need to be done in the next two months and I remember that I've done this before. I can do this. My brain likes to mess with me at times but I'm getting wiser. I argue with my brain, with my thoughts now. I don't accept the awful things my mind tells me as gospel. I look at my thoughts, ask myself if what I'm thinking is based in reality or in the past, or in my imagination. The mind is a powerful weapon.
I'm starting to slowly understand that everything passes, everything changes, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And it's okay. I've weathered the worse before, I've embraced the joy before, I can do both and I will again. I'm so thankful.