Saturday, November 9, 2013

Winter is upon us here.  The snow has come, the dark, the cold.  It's not forever, I know that but winter is still long here.  I miss being outside, wandering through the river valley, petting strange dogs.  I do miss my dogs.

I have photos to look at and I do.  I print off my photos and hang them up at work for my patients.  The mountains and flowers and waterfalls surround me all day long at work, which helps.

I'm going to replace my kitchen flooring, paint my kitchen, replace the back splash in my kitchen.  All in an effort to get through the cold, dark days. 

This will be the new back splash, 4x4 tiles.

This is the flooring.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year, not that I ever do but this year will be the first Christmas, in my entire life, fifty-one years, without my mum.  I'm good most days and I can talk about my mum now without crying.  I'm thankful that she's not suffering anymore but I still miss her.  Just the other day I wanted to ask her something about one of her aunts and then realized I can't ask her, ever.  She took all of her memories with her.

So I do what I normally do when I'm sad, I do.  I keep busy.  Probably not the best way to deal with my loss but there are worse things I could do I suppose.  I can see now why so many cultures have a year of mourning. 

And yesterday my good friend Daphne lost her father to cancer, may he rest in peace.


  1. aw deb, i know what you mean. my Mother is still here and vibrant in her own way, but her loss of memory and placement in a nursing home means i can't ask about what was.

    your kitchen tile and flooring is quite awesome!!! i love that tile! i hope it brightens up your days; i don't see how it couldn't. i have decided there'll be no more over thinking (or ruminating) for me: i'm pushing aside and just letting things be as they are. some of those things, as we both know, are reason enough to be thankful.

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  3. Actually keeping busy IS the smartest thing to do when you are sad. And that backsplash is lovely.