Some before and after photos of the rental's backyard that has been neglected for the past eight years (this one is on me and the hubby).  Aspen has invaded the yard and my lord those things grow fast.  The mountain ash tree is dying so it sent out hundreds of suckers it seems.  The apple tree had gotten out of hand too, not to mention the fact that the renter had not cut the grass in the last two years (I know, we should have inspected the property on a regular basis but we didn't).  Steve would have loved the yard.

I've been depressed for the past couple of weeks, tired beyond belief, and feeling so down.  Yesterday in the shower I thought, I could just drown myself, and then it hit me, Pepcid.  I have reflux and I take Pepcid occasionally but I've also been taking advil for sore muscles from the yard work which means more Pepcid.  One of the side effects of Pepcid for me is depression with suicidal ideation.  It's a fine line between reflux and depression for me.  This time depression won again.  I've bought more tums and will treat the heartburn with tums again.  I've stopped the Pepcid and feel better already this morning.  Fuck I hate depression.  

We've sold the rental house, or conditionally sold it I guess.  We didn't need to use a realtor as the next door neighbor's son wants to buy it.  We had cleaners come in yesterday, they'll be back today and tomorrow if need be.  Apparently they've seen worse.  I don't see how people can live like that.  I think part of how I feel is betrayed and resentful.  We went out of our way to help the young woman who was living there and this is how she repaid us.  It feels like a slap in the face and we've had a lot of those.

I had three renters in my condo and the first two left if filthy.  Hubby's daughter lived in the rental, rent free, and left in a huff and told us we could never see her children again.  Then Gracie, flooded the place, destroyed the flooring and some drywall, walked away from all her garbage, and now this last woman.  It felt like no deed goes unpunished and I think that contributed a lot to how I felt too.  The past came flooding back.

One of things about people with ADHD is that they have strong feelings about justice, and all of this garbage and crap left behind from everybody else, left for us to clean up, feels unjust.  I clean up my  messes.  I can't even imagine leaving behind the mess that was left behind for other people to clean up and I'm so tired of cleaning up other people's messes, not just garbage, but emotional messes too.

The other day Jack was asking questions about his mama and we ended up having a discussion about her addictions, her abuse of him, her arrest, his time in foster care, and what came next.  I kept the discussion at a level for a six year old but I shouldn't have to have a conversation with a six year old child about shit like this and that makes me sad and angry too, cleaning up Gracie's mess.

I guess it's been a stressful month, I just didn't realize how stressful.  

Some ladybugs I found under a tiny piece of wood that I moved.  A loveliness of ladybugs, huddled together to stay warm.

I've been so tired lately, shockingly tired, dragging my ass tired.  Not sure why.  I feel down too but not sure if it's just depression or something else.  The beauty of mental illness, you're never really sure:)

I worked at the rental house again yesterday, cutting back trees and bushes that had gotten out of hand.  I have a large pile which will need to be removed and I'll call a service tomorrow and see if they will come and put the stuff through a chipper.  No sense in all that good stuff going to a landfill when it could be used as mulch.

I also have a crew of cleaners coming on Tuesday and Wednesday to clean the house, including the cat pee and poop in the basement.  I'm thankful they're going to clean it all up and not me.  Our renter has said she will pay some of the cost of garbage removal, half of it was her stuff.  Gracie refuses to pay anything because she never takes responsibility for her actions.  She only blames others, and even said it was our fault because if we hadn't claimed Jack as a dependent, she would have the money (I'm damned sure she wouldn't have paid for anything, even if she had the money, because it's always someone else's fault).

Jack can read a little now and he happened to see a file on my desktop that said his name and CRA (Canada Revenue Agency).  He asked what that was about and I told him that we had to apply to the tax agency to have him as our dependent.  He said, "So you can keep me?"

I said, "Yes, so we can keep you.  Do you want us to keep you?"

He said, "Yes".

So we're keeping him.  He's so sweet sometimes.  The rental house and all the junk in it was a treasure trove for him and he ended up bringing some balls home, a MarioKart game, a golf ball, a key, a marker, a penny, and a few other treasures.  The MarioKart game kept him busy all morning.  You lay out an AI assist track on the floor, and then the car has a remote control.  He loved setting out the track.

The big guy has gone over the rental because the neighbor's son is interested in buying it.  Both the neighbor and his son are contractors (builders in England), and the work that needs to be done on the house doesn't scare them.  Good.  I guess we'll see.

I need a laugh:)  I should probably get that shirt.

I'll be missing in action for a little while.  We have to get our rental ready for sale.  The young lady moved out and left a mess, not all of it hers, some of it was from four years ago when Gracie walked away from all of her shit.  

We had a company come and haul away 7 loads of garbage and furniture for a cost of $4000.  I know.  The place is still filthy, including cat pee and poop back from when Gracie lived there.  Apparently her cats pulled the insulation off the walls in the crawl space and peed and pooped all over it.  It will take more money to clean the place up.

I'm in the yard cutting back loads of growth from the last eight years, that ones on me, or us.  We should have kept up with it but didn't.  It's often easier to just close your eyes and pretend everything is fine.

So I'm cleaning up the yard which will be at the very least one more load to the dump.  I came home because I need my chainsaw:)

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary, although we don't celebrate it, and often don't even notice it was our anniversary until after the fact.  This is my hubby, the big guy (he's 6'5"); it's so nice to see him smiling.  We've been together for fourteen years now.  We were both divorced when we met and I swore I would never remarry, but I did.  And now we're raising a six year old which has been hard on our relationship and hard on us in general.  Neither one of us thought we'd be raising a child at this age, but here we are.  

We have different ways of parenting, as do most parents.  We've also done this before and seen the results.  Jack has ADHD, and I have the advantage there, as two of my kids have ADHD, so I think Jack is pretty normal (fucking tiring, but normal).  My husband did not raise a child with ADHD and finds it difficult at times; fortunately he is a calm, patient man.  Both of us feel unappreciated by the rest of Jack's family, we have that in common.

Otherwise, not much.  Jack started school and promptly came down with a virus.  He's better now, no fever today, just a cough.  We saw his doc this morning and she confirmed he has asthma and put him on a steroid inhaler, along with the ventolin when needed as a rescue inhaler.

I'm so tired.  I don't know why.  I do the same things, but I drag as I do them.  I just took the dogs for a walk and it was hard to keep going.  Now I feel like having a nap, but Jack will be home soon.  The threat of a teachers strike looms large as our useless premier blames the teachers and schools for all the problems of underfunding.

My husband built this beautiful shed this summer and I love it.  I'm calling it our anniversary gift to each other.

And now for some funny, because god knows we all need it.

I took Charlie for a good long walk this morning and we finally broke the 5 km barrier:)  Yesterday I was so tired I could hardly drag my ass around the block, but I'm feeling less tired today.  We go early because of the heat, and so does everyone else apparently, or maybe it's because the kids are back to school.

As per Ms. Moon and Boud, I cut more zinnias to enjoy in my kitchen.

There is a community garden about one km from our house and the sunflowers are blooming.

I picked ten pounds of ripe tomatoes and made ten cups of tomato sauce.  I only had four tomato plants survive the spring and really only three of them are producing much.  I'm saving seeds to grow my own plants again next spring because buying the plants was a waste of money.  I also saved the seeds from my delphinums and will grow more of them next spring as well, some of the seeds I sprinkled in the flower bed because I want to see how well self seeding works.  My lupins are self seeding and the variety I have didn't get any aphids this year which is a wonder.

Jack started back to school yesterday.  He takes the bus from just down the block and no more daycare.  Oh well.  Hopefully it all goes well.  We met his new teacher on Wednesday and she seemed like a kind woman.  I've been told by neighbors that the teacher is very patient, which is good.  I hope he has a good year at school.  He's starting to read which is a shock when he reads a sign out loud to me.

Jack starting grade one means twelve more years of school routines, and calendars.  I remember when Katie graduated from grade twelve, I thought, no more school, ever.  As is so often the case, I was wrong:)

It remains hot but I put the room air conditioner from hubby's bedroom in the kitchen to make the house more liveable.  I'm looking forward to cooler weather.  

 More sowthistle.  I know it's a weed, but I still love the colour.

And here's another one, faces to the morning sun.

It's bloody hot here, 33C (91F), and forecast for even hotter tomorrow.  I took some water out to the two spruces that I transplanted this spring.  Hopefully they survive.

I took the dogs for their walks early this morning, so I was finished early and it still wasn't too hot yet.  I thought, I'll just move a couple of plants, because I need to do some major editing in my garden.  Things have gotten out of hand.  So I dug up a very sad looking delphinium that was not happy where it was and thought, I'd move it to the front garden.  And I could move the bergenia in the front garden to the back, under the pear tree which is shady and which the delphinium didn't like.

All good in theory, however, the lamnium has gotten out of hand, the solomon's seals have been underwhelming, and the irises are fewer and fewer every year.  So I had to dig up a bunch of stuff, to get to the delphinium and make room for the bergenia.

I went around front and started digging up the bergenia, which was an enormous plant, but I also had to pull out lamnium and yarrow to make a hole for the delphinum.  I also thought I would move one of the salvia's further back into the front garden, as it gets taller and would look nice next to the delphinium.  

As I was doing this, I kept snagging on low branches from the crabapple tree that grows in the front bed, so I cut some of those branches down.  I also found an astilbe, barely alive, in the middle of the yarrow, so I had to find a home for that as well.

There was so much bergenia that I put it into two beds in the back yard.  Two hours later, I had moved five plants and dug up a copius amount of lamnium and some of it's roots, as well as pruned the crabapple.  And this is why it's hard for me to work in the garden sometimes, the work multiplies, even when I just want to do a little:)

My son visited Jack again this past weekend.  He's trying.  He still has miles to go, but he's taken a first step.  

We're in for a heatwave this week.  Yay.  Sleeping in the basement this week.  

I went to Service Canada this morning to submit Jack's passport paperwork.  The guarantor for his passport photos forgot to put her entire birthdate on the application.  Next appointment is in a month, but I know all the paperwork is correct at least which is good.  I hate filling in forms.

Still no word on a teacher's strike yet.  Some people think they will allow children to get settled into school and then walk out.  I fully support the teachers.  Class sizes have increased and the complexity of the children's needs has also risen.  Our provincial government has encouraged migration to our province but isn't willing to provide increased funding for health and education to address the increased population size.

I signed up to be an official canvasser.  I will be canvassing for signatures to allow a petition to be put forward as a referendum question.  "Do you want Alberta to remain a part of Canada?"  Makes my head hurt that we even have to do this, but I will do the work required.  Our premier has fomented a lot of nasty ideas, separation, book banning, interfering with trans gender people's lives, rascim, and chemtrails.  WTF.  She's a piece of work, kind of like trump and his ilk.

I took the dogs for a walk this morning, they're trying to recover now in the shade.  I've got laundry hanging on the line which means my bed will smell wonderful.  Roomba will sweep up all the dog and cat hair, and I'm going to go work on staining parts of our new shed.

Jack starts grade one on Thursday:)