Jack is finally back to normal this morning it seems. I was tickling him this morning and lots of laughter. It's hot as hell though and humid. I'm not good with temperatures of 30C, I suppose it could be worse though.
We had new windows installed in May and they seem to have helped somewhat, keeping the house a little cooler than previously. There are also blinds on all the west facing windows, but we will need to get AC going forward. Our neighbors just had a new AC unit installed, I guess their old one died. It only took a day and it's so quiet.
My yard has been taken over by weeds, overgrown lamium, and dogwood. I need to get out there and do something with the garden and did make one small effort, but it seems I just don't have time. The mosquitos may have something to do with my reluctance to get out there as well. It just seems like too much work right now. My tomatoes are going great guns though and it looks like I'll have a huge crop of Roma tomatoes this fall.
I saw my counselor again yesterday and it was good to talk to someone who listens and asks excellent questions, making me question things, making me think. I'm starting to see how much of a toll it's taking on me to be guardian for both Katie and Jack.
Everything to do with Katie requires a huge effort. It's not as simple as a doctor's appointment, sitting in a waiting room requires constant vigilance so that she doesn't have a meltdown, or pull someone's hair. One of the hardest things I find is other people asking me what Katie is signing. I'm introverted and I talking to strangers all the time when I'm out with Katie is stressful. People are kind and don't want to just ignore her but it's often more stressful for her and for me if they stop and keep talking to her. I don't feel like teaching every person who walks by about autism, ASL, and Katie. It also seems that Katie attracts some very odd people who want to talk to her and to me. I really don't have the energy to listen to them when I'm trying to keep Katie from getting overstimulated and have a meltdown. The odd people also don't seem to understand social cues either.
Jack requires enormous amounts of energy as well, just because he's young and has ADHD. There is almost no support from the other guardians and I resent that. I guess I resent that with Katie was well.
I can juggle everything reasonably well when everything is going smoothly, but illness, emergency departments, and doctor appointments become overwhelming, especially when it's times two. This will pass but this week has been tough.
Jack is off to camp again today and hopefully I won't have to drive there and pick him up in the middle of the day. Maybe I can even make some time for myself today.
I stole this from Deb at She Who Seeks. Me too my friend, me too.
Thank goodness you have your counselor to help process these thoughts and events. I can see how in trying to be kind, people inadvertently add to your stress. I'm sure they don't mean to but that doesn't help you, does it?
ReplyDeleteNo people don't mean to make things worse but they do sometimes. The hardest are people who just don't seem to understand that it's time to walk away. I tell them Katie has perseveration and that she can't stop but they continue on anyway:)
DeleteAnd sometimes I might put my fuck off face on to help them get the hint.
DeleteSounds like people mean well but just don’t understand; maybe a super-simple, straightforward statement like “Thank you for your kindness/interest, but social interaction stresses her out and puts us all at risk of a meltdown… “
DeleteSometimes the fuck-off face is called for!
DeleteGetting support is so important. And honestly, I think AC is in investment in one's health (mental and physical). It's been so good for our sleep and well-being.
ReplyDeleteI'll pitch it like that, an investment in our health. I grew up in Alberta though and people didn't have AC. A part of me feels like I'm wimping out but a much bigger part of me knows that it just keeps getting hotter.
DeleteYou're STARTING to see the toll that your caregiving is taking on you? Sweetheart! You could have asked any one of us here. You are doing a monumental task.
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh when I read this. Thanks Mary.
DeleteI’m so glad you have a counselor to support you. You could use a lot more help!
ReplyDeleteThe counselor helps a lot.
DeleteTo echo the other comments, I am glad that you have a counselor that you like and who listens and asks questions. It must be so stressful to be out with Katie and to be constantly worrying about what will happen. I was walking the dogs by the river and this older guy comes up to me and starts talking to me about my dogs. I am not really a fan of talking to strangers, but whatever. I told him that Murray was very skittish and shy. What does he do? He comes at him and Murray freaks out. At least I had him on a leash and I could control him trying to flee.
ReplyDeleteMy dog Charlie is very anxious and reactive around other dogs and then people will stop and want to talk to me after I have gotten off the path and have a firm grip on my dog so that he doesn't attack their dog. Read the room people!
DeleteMaybe there's a short simple "script" you can use to give people the message without feeling rude or being taken that way. That or a T-shirt with bold print! I'm no good at coming up with strategic ways of saying things but when offered one, it sure helps. I ask my counsellor for ideas and then I'm appalled at how I never thought of that idea myself.
ReplyDeletelol
I'm sure you'll continue to manage the pressure of all of it but it's a lot. Are you going for massage? Big stress-reliever there. Anything you think of as self-care needs to be frequent, even daily. You'd probably think you were spoiling yourself but it would only be better for you AND the kids.
We have 3 grandchildren here for a week and already I've been wearing my Sergeant Kate hat. For me there's an end in sight and I hope not to get too cranky before then. I dont know how you do it. You must have nerves of steel! You don't give yourself nearly enough credit for all you cope with.
I'd never thought about that but it might be a good idea. A t-shirt is a good idea, "Stay back six feet, I pull hair".
DeleteI had a massage on Monday which felt good. I get one every month now. The counselor for me and for Jack, we're just doing it.
I don't have nerves of steel at all and I may yell sometimes but I am getting better. I now tell Jack when I'm feeling overwhelmed and he's getting better at backing off.
A lot of people are resonating with my memes post today! Me too, lol.
ReplyDeleteI think I would like to make that cross stitch in real life:)
DeleteYou're doing so well, and about how to fend off curious or "helpful" strangers, I wonder if your counselor can help you come up with brief comments to deflect them? Having a handy script in mind can help quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteI shall try that.
DeleteHaving an understanding and supportive counselor is helpful although just having some other people pitch in with Jack and Katie would relieve some of your stress. (as long as they would help and not hinder) You've opened my eyes to how difficult it is to manage Katie in public, especially regarding overly friendly or intrusive strangers in public. I tend to be (sometimes) too friendly--with a good heart but a lack of understanding of others' boundaries.
ReplyDeleteKatie is relentless and won't leave other people alone. If you make eye contact with her she won't leave you alone. People always ask me "What's she signing?". Katie asks every single woman she meets if they have children which is intrusive I think but Katie won't let up. And Katie can hear the answer that is given, and she remembers as well. It's just an endless loop sometimes that I don't feel like dealing with because I've been dealing with it for so many years.
DeleteAges back, I had a neighbor — very elderly and obnoxious — who couldn’t get the message. Another, young neighbor had a new dog. Elderly man starts calling the dog from his porch, “Here dog, come here, boy!” Young neighbor: “Don’t call him! He’s skittish and he bites.” Elderly neighbor, “Here boy! Come here, dog!” Dog jumps off his own porch, runs to elderly man’s porch,, and bites his pants leg. Elderly man: “Ow, ow, I’m dog-bit, I’ll have the cops on you … “
DeleteSome people.
Hope your weather cools and your weekend is more peaceful.
Some people don't get it. It's still hot as hell but it did rain overnight so it cooled down a little.
DeleteMs Moon said all of it for me. I am so glad you have someone to talk to.
ReplyDeleteMe too Sandra:)
DeleteI wouldn't even know how to survive just one teeny one of your crises. You rock,
ReplyDeleteThis from the woman who lives with an autoimmune disease and had her trip upended by a broken ankle. You rock my dear.
DeleteI like the sign too!
ReplyDelete