I'm feeling worn out this week. Katie is doing fine but I feel tired. I worry about her. I haven't heard the results of the US yet, or what will happen next, but that's probably what's bothering me. When I woke up this morning, I remembered what I always told patients, if it was something awful, you would have had the results right away. That helped my brain to stop catastrophizing.
One of the things I worry about is how I will be able to care for Katie as I get older, and even worse, who will go with her to appointments and to the hospital when I die. Katie doesn't live with us but I take her to all of her appointments. I am her voice and her advocate. Who will speak for her when I'm gone?
The weather has warmed up and I'll be walking the dogs later today, maybe even meeting up with another pottery lady at the off leash park. A walk in the trees will do my brain good.
While I type I can hear Jack upstairs "getting dressed", which involved jumping off the bed and talking to himself:) Twenty minutes after he went upstairs, he's still not dressed, which is why I give him half an hour to get dressed. Sometimes he's done in 3 minutes, sometimes he's down to the wire.
Yesterday he and I went out to wait for the bus and after ten minutes, the bus never showed up. Our bus driver is never late. We went back to the house and I told Jack that I would drive him to school. When I did, there were no cars at the school and no kids waiting to go in. We drove home and I looked at the school calendar, which I had not transferred to the new kitchen calendar. Yesterday was a professional education day for the teachers. Sigh. Jack and I had a good day though. Grocery shopping and "Bluey" with popcorn. Then we went shopping for Pokemon cards which were nowhere to be found. He bought a facemask instead and when we got home we had a bullet gun fight. Nana is an excellent shot:)
I did find a little time to work with some clay. Clay relaxes me so much. It also irritates me. This mug was originally going to be a coil made vase. Clay doesn't always turn out the way you want it to, much like life. I'm happy with the mug though. I continue to improve with my mugs and that makes me feel good too.
I got a kick hearing that Jack was upstairs "getting dressed" jumping off the bed and talking to himself. It's good of you to give him extra time.
ReplyDeleteHe needs the extra time and I'm teaching him that he needs the extra time. I spent years being late for everything before I learned how to get to things on time. I'm trying to teach him a shortcut.
DeleteI like Jack's getting dressed approach! And I do see your worry about Katie, and wonder if there's any form of guardianship you can find for her when you're not able to do for her? It's a perennial fear of parents in your position.
ReplyDeleteKatie has two other guardians, but neither lives in Alberta. I don't want her to be alone without a family member or a guardian when she has to go to medical appointments. I have a niece here and my brother and his wife are talking about moving here, so perhaps my sister in law might consider becoming a guardian.
DeleteYour Venn Diagram about ceramics gave me a smile. Thanks for that. I am glad to hear that Katie has not gotten any worse. It must really weigh on you heavily worrying about what will happen with Katie once you are no longer around to be her advocate. That would keep me awake at night too. It sounds like you and Jack had a good day despite getting the calendar mixed up!
ReplyDeleteJack and I did have a good day. Neither one of us had a meltdown and we just played it by ear.
DeleteHopefully I stay healthy for a long time, but I'm not young anymore, something I realized when I was getting a heavily medicated Katie up the stairs to her house on Sunday night.
Older Daughter realized only a day or two before that the teachers at Sharky's school had an Inservice day. Luckily, I was free to babysit. Many things we enjoy are also frustrating; I wonder how that can be. I understand your worries about Katie. We are still caregivers to our families and always will be.
ReplyDeleteI think there are many things that humans enjoy but which take a lot of practice and skill to become good at, and even then, we still fail sometimes.
DeleteWell I'm glad I'm not the only one who didn't notice something on the school calendar. I always wonder if it's my age:)
I worry about Emil in the same way, Pixielicious. After I'm gone, who will be here for him? There is a setup in BC where about six interested parties form a committee to make decisions for the person in care, and you work with them, I think, in the years before they are really necessary, so that they carry on involvement after you're gone. I've meant to set that up for years, or something like it, and haven't gotten around to it.
ReplyDeleteFortunately Emil has cousins as young as himself who all live around here and they are the ones I have mentioned this to, but not followed up on yet because they are all very busy raising their own children. But you've reminded me that I need to get on it.
And there is Everett, who is 4 years younger than Emil and also lives in the same town. But one never knows what the future will bring, so the more the merrier, especially when we don't want the entire burden of decision-making to fall on one person alone. We need the village! -Kate
Our children definitely need a village. I texted my sister in law this morning to ask her to think about becoming a guardian, she's younger than me. I had asked my niece but she didn't feel comfortable with becoming a guardian at this point in her life.
DeleteI’m so glad you are doing pottery. Please don’t worry about how pieces turn out. Do it because it feeds your soul, and because if you stick with it you will like your results more and more. ❤️
ReplyDeleteI'm a perfectionist but clay is teaching me about wabi sabi.
DeleteThat ceramic diagram is funny.
ReplyDeleteYour concerns about Katie are quite valid. The staff never picked up that something was upsetting her and she needed to see a doctor.
I never even thought about her staff not noting how her behavior had changed, or called for anything to be done. Good to keep in mind. Thanks Andrew.
DeleteMy apologies for not calling round here for a while. Forgetting there was a teacher training day... well that's a big boo-boo but at least you admit your errors and you were able to make it a good day for Jack. I hope that by now you have got the ultra sound result.
ReplyDeleteStill waiting on the US results. I may call her doctor tomorrow.
DeleteNo children were harmed in the forgetting about the teacher training day, no harm, no foul:)
I'm stealing that diagram. THAT IS ME!
ReplyDeleteOf course you worry about Katie and what the future holds. How could you not? You have been so very, very responsible for so many your entire life. And what a wonderful job you do! I love how you are parenting Jack. Jump off that bed, boy! Whoo-hoo! Now...time to get dressed.
Jack without meds is tough to deal with, and I'm sure he finds it hard too. He is ADHD to the max. He is so sweet though, and funny, and smart, and he gives the best hugs.
DeleteIt''s smart of you to think about this now, even though you likely have a lot of years left we never know.The diagram illustrates much of my life!
ReplyDeleteKatie has three guardians now but I'm the only one nearby. I've seen too many friends and patients die before their time to not worry about her. I talked to my brother yesterday and he said he would be willing to be another guardian but he's almost the same age as me. I shall try to stay healthy:)
DeleteHa! I love that diagram.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that no matter how many guardians you arrange for Katie, you will always worry. Which is natural.
Katie is still in pain and had another meltdown today. She attacked me and then had caregivers that she didn't know so I went back to her house to settle her, give her meds, and get her ready for bed.
DeleteThe Venn diagram is perfect. Katie's future in your absence is a very real problem. No one will ever do as good a job for her as you do. I have zero thoughts on how to fix it. I'm the last in the family, so there's no one for me to plan for.
ReplyDeleteThe mug has a nice shape.
Thanks Allison. I'm facing my own mortality. I'm coming to start on anti-hypertensives and I'm prediabetic.
DeleteThere's a lot to contemplate in your life. Not sure what to say except...continue being a good shot (laughter is medicine).
ReplyDeleteLaughter is good for the heart and the soul:)
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