The light shining through the bedroom window caught my eye.
I turned sixty today but it doesn't feel different than any other day. My husband gave me a funny card about farting, because that's how we roll and tonight he's taking me out for supper. In two days my middle daughter arrives for a few days and I'm throwing myself a birthday party on Saturday.
I'm taking an online course right now, The Foundations of Grief. It's very interesting and informative.
The one thing that I learned that will be most helpful to me is that I can bear witness to the grief and sadness of another but I don't have to carry their grief for them; that is the definition of compassion. I've always been one to feel the pain of another and that's too much to bear at times/often. We all have our own grief and pain to deal with, adding the grief and pain of another is more than any of us should/can carry. It's only taken me sixty fucking years to learn this lesson but I suppose better late than never. Of course the hard part is the doing. We shall see.
So far I've discovered that I want to learn more about grief and helping others deal with grief which is something, something big for me, who is having a hard time staying on her feet, and needs to find another way of caring. I want to develop a program to help nurses in my hospital deal with their grief. I would like to develop rituals to help us remember and grieve for our patients and to simply acknowledge the grief that nurses feel when our patients die.
I'm learning a lot and realize how much more there is to learn about grief. I enjoy being a student.
I watched a wonderful movie yesterday, "Good Luck To You, Leo Grande" with Emma Thompson.
It's about sex, about aging and about acceptance, of ourselves and others. The trailer doesn't really give you a good idea about the movie is actually about. I would highly recommend it.
And that's it so far. A gentle day of sunshine and learning and making tomato sauce, because there are so many ripe tomatoes sitting on my counter and that's all I can smell:)
That is a lovely photo. The light is good, and so is the giant patch of green outside. Very nice moment.ReplyDelete
Thanks. The giant patch of green is the leaves on a very tall aspen outside the bedroom window. I love trees.Delete
Happy birthday honey (from a soon-to-be 64 year old). You are so right in that you can't bear other people's grief. You can only help where you can. I guess it takes most of us that long to realize this. But in the meantime, get out there and have a blast!!!! If anyone deserves it it's you!ReplyDelete
I feel like such a slow learner, often.Delete
Happy birthday, dear and lovely woman! I think you are living your life quite well. I love that you're giving yourself a party. I did that once and it was lovely!ReplyDelete
The party is on Saturday night. You are invited:)Delete
The light is glowing on the floor and it's beautiful. Grief is complicated and personal but there are strategies to deal with it. I agree that we can't carry it for others although we can help them learn coping skills. They are easier to come up with than they are to implement, however.ReplyDelete
Learning, knowing and doing are such very different things, aren't they?Delete
I just watched "Good Luck, Leo Grande" this afternoon and thought it was a rather good movie and, for the most part, tastefully done! Emma Thompson is such a good actress and the young man ... I'd hire him, too! LOLReplyDelete
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you have a fantastic time out with your hubby! 🎂🎁🎉
Yes, the young man, what a lovely young man, with an Irish accent too boot:)Delete
Happy Birthday and welcome to the good years. You are doing a good thing with your course. Could you get into counselling? The program for nurses is brilliant and I really hope management back you.ReplyDelete
I admire your wooden floors. Not a pet hair to be seen!!
I think I would like to get into grief counselling but for nurses. It's just brushed under the rug. Carry on. Even when I was young and had patients die, I thought how wrong it was that we didn't stop and take a moment for our patients.Delete
First time commenting. I loved “Leo Grande”, delightful film, and how hot was Leo. I am also watching Bad Sisters on Apple TV and “Leo” is in that as well, a wonderful series, set in Ireland, dark humour. Marie, Melbourne, AustraliaReplyDelete
I'll have to check out "Bad Sisters", I love dark humour and welcome.Delete
How I wish I lived closer to you -- perhaps down the street -- and I would bake you a cake and come to your party. You'd teach me about grief, and we'd talk about our girls and our compassion and we'd laugh a lot. I loved the Emma Thompson movie so so much -- I feel strongly that it was an important film. I wish you a happy birthday and hope the year ahead brings you joy, peace and all the things that bring you pleasure and strength.ReplyDelete
I wish we lived closer too. I'd come and help you with Sophie, especially when you have your hip surgery. I could tell you all my terrible, terrible jokes. And we'd eat cake. I'm making a brown butter pumpkin cake for my birthday. I'll take a photo of it.Delete
Take care lovely lady. You have a lot on your plate.
Happy birthday and thank you for your insights and sharing it. Life is cruel and gorgeous and we need to understand that. You do.ReplyDelete
Life is cruel and gorgeous, you're so right. Hopefully the gorgeous outways the the cruel, fingers crossed.Delete
We liked "Leo Grande" a lot, and I love your photo of that sunlight spilling into the room! The grief course sounds interesting and certainly pertinent for you in your line of work. Hopefully you can find a way to share some of what you're learning.ReplyDelete
Happy BurpDay to you, neighbour!ReplyDelete
The course you are taking and your thoughts about how to use it in future are so just-right. What a great thing to do. Something I think about once in a while is how to write about the grief that hits parents of disabled children from time to time; or maybe it's always there, but I don't think so. It just comes out of the blue sometimes, doesn't it? In my case, as much as Emil is healthy and has a good and happy life, occasionally I am reminded what his life could have been and is not and never will be ... that cuts deep, even though I know that he is perfect as he is and so is his life. There is intellectual knowing, and then there is emotion -- which has its own truth.
Well I've gone off on a tangent there that doesn't have to do with your birthday or your class or your future plans. All started with saying I know you know grief, and I'm glad you aren't feeling any around your birthday. xoxoxo -Kate, grateful for your friendship and your lovely blog
We talked about disenfranchised yesterday which is grief that isn't acknowledged. When Katie was diagnosed, my baby died, and that was never acknowledged by anyone. All these years later I still grieve for my baby girl. It doesn't often slay me anymore but milestones usually take me out at the knees because I realize she'll never reach them. That being said, she does give wonderful hugs and has a wicked, bad sense of humor.Delete
Happy birthday! What a beautiful idea you have about helping nurses cope with grief in a productive and honest way.ReplyDelete
Happy 60th birthday! Your photo of the light shining in is sublime. Early this morning, I listened to several dozen people talk briefly about their grief journeys, and I was able to talk briefly about my own. Our losses don't take away from the beauty of the world. They are as real a part of life as the beauty.ReplyDelete
And we carry our grief with us, throughout our lives. Hopefully it becomes easier to bear with time.Delete
Those of us who are Empaths often cannot separate the Emotions/Pain of others from our own, we pick up on it and it's literally as palpable as if we're experiencing it ourselves. I do try to limit exposure to Negative Vibes becoz it affects me so deeply.ReplyDelete
Yes, I notice the energy coming off people. It's overwhelming sometimes.Delete
Happy birthday to you, my fellow empath! If you figure out how to keep other people’s pain and grief from mingling with your own let me know the secret please.
Thank you and I will:)Delete