I went through my fabric stash to find fabrics I can use for a baby quilt and came across this. I love bees. A beehive is filled with sisters, all working together for the common good. It's possible apparently, in the animal kingdom anyway.
Really nothing much going on today. I was going to go to the gym this morning and then remembered that Jack has a doctor's appointment at lunchtime, on the other side of Edmonton. The docs from the course we took together last fall suggested he would be a good candidate for a trauma attachment group, because of what he's been through and because he has a stable family now. Today we go to get a referral to that that group.
Jack is in the process of trying to work out who we are. He knows we are his grandparents but he also calls us his parents. He asked if we had adopted him. He sees that we are much older than the parents of other children and worries that we will die:) I worry about that too, but nothing I can do about it, except to try and stay healthy and active.
He has lots of questions about his mom and his dad that I try to answer as honestly as I can with a six year old, without revealing horrible details. I don't want him to hate his parents, just to understand that they have their own problems that they have to deal with. I wonder if he'll grow up and be pissed with me too because I didn't do a better job. God only knows.
Another orchid from the greenhouse.
I think after his appointment we'll take Charlie for a long walk in the trees, as the weather will be nicer this afternoon.
I visited Katie yesterday, brought her to our house instead of going to the mall. She's well. She's happy and you can tell she's happy because the open wounds on her forehead (that she gets from banging her head on the wall or floor when she's upset), are all healed over and there aren't even any scabs. I trimmed her hair, fed her, and took her back home. She didn't want to hang around.
Otherwise not much going on. Get up, get Jack to school, housework, pick up Jack, make supper, get Jack ready for bed, rinse and repeat. It's like I've done all this before:)
I hope the first appointment for Jack goes well. I hope he doesn't feel anger towards you when he is an adult, you have done so much for him; I can't see him possibly being angry. Glad Ms Katie had a good visit and felt good too.
ReplyDeleteThere is always anger in families but we need to learn how to deal with it. Life is full of disappointments.
DeleteA lot of anger directed toward parents by adult children isnt fair. We've done our best, had to learn as we went, and had our own challenges to deal with as well as raising our kids, which took pretty much every bit of time and energy we had. I like to think once they have their own, they'll realize how fucking hard (but worth it) it was. -Kate
ReplyDeleteYep. I couldn't agree more.
DeleteFor most of us it takes ages to realize our parents weren't on earth solely to parent us or that they had any training.
ReplyDeleteI see how Jack is confused about whether you're his parents now, because, well, you're doing it all.
My mother's was much older than my friends' mothers, and I didn't care, but other kids would try to make something of it. Maybe Jack needs a little calm script to use if needed, kids teasing.
The doc we saw yesterday was so good and reminded me of trouble shooting scripts to deal with problems. Thank you for the reminder too.
DeleteIt's interesting when kids grow up. My daughters were very fond of their dad (who was a workaholic) and didn't realize until later that he didn't do much of anything to keep the household running. He didn't keep track of schedules, take them to appointments, do the cooking or laundry, stay home with them when they were sick, help them with school stuff, etc. He was great with science project help though, mostly taught them to drive and was a decent parent in many respects. They never doubted his love and pride in them at least. My older daughter, who idolized him, is now seeing the reality of her childhood and appreciating me more than she used to.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how our perspective changes as we grow.
DeleteI think kids are always going to have some anger at their parents no matter how much they love them or no matter how incredibly lovingly and consciously they were raised by them. It's just the way life is. And there's also the way we all sometimes display anger towards those we love the most and trust the most because we know they will not abandon us, even in that anger. Displacement, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteBut you know, there is no evidence at all that Jack is going to feel anything but mostly love and whatever normal stuff it is for kids to grow up and feel about their parents. Even the best of them. As you are.
That meme is as true as anything I've ever seen.
Displacement, yes! You crap on someone you love instead of having to deal with what's really bothering you, or is too scary to deal with.
DeleteThat meme is definitely me, except I would add a twitching eye in the evening:)
I can understand why Jack might have some confusion about his relationship to you given what he sees in other families. In a way it's sweet that he thinks of you as additional parents. I think it's inevitable that kids will be critical of their parents or the people who raise them, but hopefully that also comes with an understanding that parents are people too, trying to lead their own lives, and that most parents do the best they can.
ReplyDeleteIt takes time, as you said. I'll probably be dead by the time Jack figures it out sadly, but I will try to do my best.
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