We've had record high temps here and it feels like the snow is melting as quickly as it arrived. I took Charlie to the wilderness trails rather than the dog park yesterday. Dogs have to stay on leash on the wilderness trails which is what Charlie needs. He had a great time and we both got fresh air and exercise amongst the trees and the chickadees.
1. They follow you from room to room
It’s not “clinginess.” It’s connection. Being near you helps them feel regulated and safe.
2. They interrupt you (constantly)
Not out of disrespect - but because their brain wants to share something with you before it disappears.
3. They save their hardest moments for you
This is the big one. They fall apart with the person who feels safest. It’s not defiance - it’s trust.
4. They show you their creations, collections, or obsessions
A rock, a drawing, a Minecraft build - this is them offering you a piece of their world.
5. They ask you to watch them do the same thing over and over
It’s not attention-seeking. It’s connection-seeking:
“Do you see me? Am I worth your time?”
6. They get silly, loud, or playful around you
That’s joy. That’s comfort. That’s “I feel free with you.”
7. They crawl into your space at the end of the day
To lean on you, flop on you, or wrap around you - their nervous system is asking for co-regulation.
8. They try again after a meltdown
This is courage. This is repair. This is love in action.
Kids with ADHD don’t always say “I love you” with words.
They say it with intensity… with presence… with trust…
and with the moments they save just for you.
Very interesting! New perspectives can be quite illuminating!
ReplyDeleteSame behavior, different feelings. A new perspective changes everything.
DeleteThese are important to remember. With four grandsons whose dads both have ADHD, I'm reasonably certain that one of more of my grandsons will also be affected.
ReplyDeleteI only wish I had this info when my children were young.
DeleteThese are wise words and not JUST for carers of children with ADHD. I think almost all parents can recognize these behaviors in their children and it is good to remember that what they seem to want and want they really need are two different things.
ReplyDeleteI think ADHD is just an amplified version of normal human behavior. All kids do these things but a child with ADHD does these things more often and with greater intensity.
DeleteIt's especially useful to remember that secure children act out with parents even when other people find them very docile!
ReplyDeleteMum used to always tell me that. She was right.
DeleteThis is excellent.
ReplyDeleteIt is and I'm thankful to the internet for good nuggets like these.
DeleteThat all makes so much sense.
ReplyDeleteIt helps a lot to know why he does things, and why I do things.
DeleteI agree with Boud, if kids act out at home, not outside of it, it means they are secure and emotionally healthy. Even if it’s not fun for the primary care taker.
ReplyDeleteI guess we're officially his parents now:)
DeleteThat simple list, without reams of explanation, seems very good to me, very helpful. It is easy to see why you have already shared it with The Big Guy. I suspect that the list will help both of you to parent Jack with even deeper understanding and love. Why not stick it on your fridge or kitchen wall as a daily reminder?
ReplyDeleteThat's a good idea Mr. Pudding. Thank you.
DeleteNumber 3 - oh my goodness!
ReplyDeleteAll kids are like this because they know you will love them, even at their worst.
DeleteI had no idea about how consuming ADHD is. That's a great list..
ReplyDeleteI'm still learning and my son was diagnosed 35 years ago.
DeleteHonestly, so much of that sounds like any little kid, doesn't it?! I'm sure it's all more intense with ADHD, and I hope I'm not being offensive when I say it all seems very normal to me.
ReplyDeleteI agree that most kids are like this but with ADHD, it's amplified. It's like hearing your favorite song, but it's so loud that it hurts your ears.
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