It's that time of year when you can't believe how little daylight there is, 7.5 hours. It's dark when I get up and it's dark before supper. It also rained yesterday morning, so that was fun. I slid through an intersection and will get a red light ticket. Plus it's Christmas and Christmas just feels like a big lie. Happy families, get togethers, and gifts. Even Jack was mad at me this morning because he wanted soccer goalie gloves, right now. There are a pair to go under the tree, but I can't tell him that and spoil the surprise. So I snapped at him to stop asking me and then he got upset because he's sick and I shouldn't yell at someone who is sick. He's not wrong but I also barely raised me voice. I guess it doesn't matter, he felt yelled at.
Yesterday I made supper, a recipe I have used for years and it sucked. I tried making caramel cornflakes and burned the caramel. I got a red light ticket. Katie sobbed when I took her home, which was the hardest to deal with. I ended up crying too. And Jack has been sick. Yesterday he was vomiting with a fever, and today, just a fever.
I don't like Christmas. I have a small fractured family with a lot of issues. Mum and dad probably felt the same way too. They had grown daughters and then two young children. Dad was in the military so they moved around a bit. Mum was from England and all of her family were there. We never spent Christmas with extended family. I never knew my grandparents. I spent a little time with one aunt and uncle on Vancouver Island and met mum's family as an adult. My brother and I are among the youngest cousins, only one is younger than us. There were never any family reunions or family celebrations, although we did all come together for Uncle Jimmy's funeral. That was it, Uncle Jimmy's funeral when I was sixteen years old. My ex-husband also came from a small family with a lot of issues, so not really any help there.
I live in a small family at a time of year when large family celebrations are held up as the ideal. I shouldn't complain, but I will:)
Not one of your better days then. I think this is a depressed time of year for a lot of people, when mythical big family gatherings aren't happening. After the solstice the dark of all kinds will retreat. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIt was also my mum's birthday on December 22nd, so there's that too. I still miss her.
DeleteIt was a shitty day. I'll have a good cry and then get on with it. I did a lot of Christmas baking, like I always do but this I'm taking it out of the freezer now and we're just going to enjoy it.
Agree 100%. All of these big happy family posts everywhere are difficult for those of us on our own.
ReplyDeleteThey are, aren't they. Take care.
DeleteSome days around Christmas are especially tender, aren't they? Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThey are and thank you.
DeleteWell, you know how I feel about it all- Happy Merry Fucking Christmas!
ReplyDeleteMerry Fucking Christmas indeed. Thanks for making me smile Mary.
DeleteChristmas. Bah. Humbug.
ReplyDeleteAlthough Karen has made lefse for us, and that makes Christmas worth it.
I've never heard of caramel cornflakes and will have to look it up.
You can fight that red light ticket and win. Not your fault the intersection was slippery.
You do realize that you have a whole other family reading your blog? LOTS OF FANS!! Or you're our favourite cousin.
How awful for you to have Katie cry when you take her home. Sorry to hear that.
Chin up, girlfriend. You are kind, helpful, caring, and compassionate, and everybody loves you.
Thanks Kathy. Chin up for you too sweetie.
DeleteBlessed are the ones not from disfunctional families. But I still love my life & the holidays.
ReplyDeleteAre there functional families? Enjoy your holidays.
DeleteI've wondered the same thing! 😄 But I have met some folks that came from so much better. Funny to see their expression of disbelief at a childhood story. They just cannot believe it but realize I told the truth. Have a wonderful holiday.
DeleteI think Christmas gets harder as we get older. I wonder if these large happy families actually exist.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain with the red light ticket.
Ms Moon said it perfectly.
Merry Fucking Christmas to you Sparkling Merlot. May we all survive:)
DeleteI also slid through an intersection yesterday. I don't know if it had a red light camera, but it was a major intersection so maybe it did. Guess I'll know by next week, LOL! Effen ice. Had to do the Penguin Walk everywhere I went too.
ReplyDeleteI saw the flash of the camera, now I wait for the ticket. It was on 99th street and 34 ave, so a huge interesection but I could not stop. I was doing 35km/hr.
DeleteI'm still doing the penguin walk, ice everywhere with the warm temps yesterday.
Yuck! So sorry that you can’t ignore Christmas because of Jack. Please try to be kind to yourself…you deserve it. I love the idea of that Christmas card.
ReplyDeleteIt would be a good Christmas card. Perhaps I should start my own line of inappropriate Christmas cards. Probably someone has already done that:)
DeleteThe family Christmas card plus one is amusing and sending my thoughts at speed in many directions. Small Christmases sound appealing in a way to me, but I do like the large family gatherings.
ReplyDeleteHope you and the boys have a lovely Christmas/holiday.
DeleteDecember has been a dark and depressing month for me for a long time. I'm not religious so Xmas doesn't uplift me; even if I were, the idea that Jesus was born in December is ludicrous. I'm not good at gift giving and that adds feelings of stress and inadequacy to an already fraught time of year. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I'm sorry that you're dealing with a sick child and an upset Katie. That's overload. Small family, big family--what you often see on the outside as happy isn't. My bigger extended family also has issues of various degrees. We all do the best we can to enjoy the holiday and try to accept that it isn't always joyous. Big hugs! xoxo
ReplyDeleteJack is better now and back to himself. He even slept in this morning so I drove him to school. Katie will be ok but she does break my heart when she's upset.
DeleteSending hugs and love to you as well Margaret.
I like that second cartoon very much!!!! Ha ha! I was lucky enough to come from a large extended family (and my ex-husband very much so) but it was only as I got older I realized how much pressure my parents must have been under trying to provide gifts for everyone (we had very little money) and have Christmas dinner around a table where we didn't all fit (I think there were a lot of "trays on knees" in retrospect)! It also took me a long time to realize that the idealized tv Christmas dinners are just that - idealized! They have the hair and make-up artists, lighting teams, they can edit out the bad bits so we all need to give ourselves a break. Even though I loved the movie It's a Wonderful Life, that scene where he dashes home in the snow and she's standing there with gleaming children, a log fire and is JUST putting the angel on the tree, well somehow that never did ring true for me! Hang in there, I'm sure Jack'll be in seventh heaven when he gets those glove!
ReplyDeleteI imagine Jack will love those gloves. He's a soccer fiend now which is not a bad thing.
DeleteHope you and yours have a good Christmas.
Yes - You are part of my family and I am part of yours! My blogger friends are the people I really value.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sillygirl:)
DeleteAs with all the other holidays ... it's just another day to me anymore!
ReplyDeleteSo true. Dishes still need to be done, laundry piles up and people get hungry and grumpy.
DeleteHow similar our background are. I know there are families that truly enjoy one another's company and the holidays together. My guess is there are just as many that go through the charade.
ReplyDeleteWe never know what goes on in other people's lives really do we? Until we're much older and then we all come clean:)
DeleteOh I like Christmas , but I’m slowly distancing myself from it , the older I get
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that there are people who still like Christmas:)
DeleteChristmas is can certainly be a stressful time of year. I can remember many a Christmas where the tension could be cut with a chainsaw. Somehow we always muddle through. Your 7.5 hours of light was a reminder about how far north you are compared to where I live. We have about 9.5 hours of daylight here.
ReplyDeleteAfter my dad died, Christmas became a lot more relaxed sadly. I'll try and be kind to myself and let things go.
DeletePoor Jack! He seems prone to stomach bugs. Some kids are like that, for whatever reason. Hope he's better now.
ReplyDeleteWe're not much better in the sunlight department. I walk to work in the gray light of morning and walk home in the gray light of late afternoon.
I spent time with my uncle, aunt and cousins, and my maternal grandparents, at Christmas and in the summer. But they're the only extended family I really knew. My dad's family all lived in California and I knew them only as names until I was a senior in high school -- and even then I met them only once.
He's been pretty healthy this fall so far, but he is a puker, poor guy. My youngest, Katie, always vomited. It was always the first sign that she was getting sick.
DeleteI hope you and Dave have a wonderful time in Florida this Christmas.