Sunflowers on the deck.
My hubby's sister and her partner came over for supper last weekend. We found out that apparently we are trying to force his mother into a nursing home, not something either one of us was aware of, at least that's what the other sister is telling people. We haven't heard from or seen his mother since his father died two years ago. I hate people spreading lies about me.
I started up my pottery classes again yesterday. There were two new ladies there, both widows, lovely, funny women. One of them is a death doula which I found fascinating, the other is an artist and they moved into together four months ago to keep each other company.
I thought about my son and Gracie the other day, how they want to spend time with Jack, but both of them wanting it to be more exciting than it really is. Child rearing is so boring, schedules, routines, and boredom. I had forgotten how boring it was. It was much worse with Katie, I had three children, always tired and stressed, but she needed so much predictability and stability, so much sameness. Every night was the same. It was a daily grind.
And now I feel the same way again. Bored. I need to find something to do in the evenings. I'm restless and it's only September, usually I don't feel this way until February and winter has dragged on for far too long.
I'm bored, which is funny, considering how stressful this month has been so far, but now that the house has been dealt with, I'm "now what". I'm retired. I'm raising a six year old. I have limited adult contact during the day. I need to find something else to do.
That's the truth of it -- child rearing is boring when it isn't terrifying. Endless routine, vital for children, mind rotting for adults. I agree, in theory its lovely, and the daily is so different.
ReplyDeleteYes, child rearing seems to go from boring as hell, to OMG this is awful/dangerous/deadly, with very little room in between.
DeleteHi, new follower. I left my job to care for my father after a massive stroke and then, since I was home, started caring for newborn grandchildren. There are ten total and the youngest started school this year. I raised 5 of my own, but I was younger then. Now they don't come until 7am and everyone is picked up before supper. And we are exhausted. I don't know how you do it 24 hours a day.
ReplyDeleteI started taking classes at the local senior center. The director kept trying to get me and my friend to sign up for some deal where you meet with kids at the center afterschool and do crafts, help with homework, etc. I said "I come here to get away from children!".
Just some thoughts. Join an adult activity. It doesn't have to be meaningful or require effort. Recently I began attending a crime podcast club at our library. Once a month we listen to an "adult" podcast (not for children because bad things happen) and met for an hour to talk about it. It gets me out of the house. Check with libraries. Another local library has a brown bag lunch where Adults (no children) bring a sack lunch and listen to really interesting speakers from museums, historical places, etc. No effort required and no children.
I love children, especially my grandchildren. I used to be a girl scout leader, 4H advisor, and a Sunday school teacher. I love to spend time with them. But I have reached the age where I really enjoy time with just adults.
I think you are a super hero.
I will look into something like this and thank you for the suggestions. Ten grandchildren, you are a hero.
DeleteI hope you got the misinformation sorted out with the in-law. Raising children, I'm not an expert as I had one but I can agree there isn't much interesting until there is too much happening. Are there any activities your library during the day?
ReplyDeleteMy sister in law is a horrible person, not the one who came for supper, the one who lies about people.
DeleteI'm looking online for things to do:)
I absolutely hate when people say lies about me or other loved ones. We have (had) a neighbor like that and it drove my mom crazy. My dad could just let things go and laugh them off. Can you guess which parent I'm more like? Adult contact is important; I manage through coffee dates, two groups I belong to (Ram Ladies, my teaching buddies and Book Club) and activities with John. I'm not rearing a grandson though (not yet anyway) so I'm not as tied down in the evenings. Hope you find some good stuff to do!
ReplyDeleteI will find something else for my brain. Jack and I went out to the soccer field after supper and he and I kicked the ball around. That was nice.
DeleteThat bouquet of sunflowers is beautiful. Raising children is not easy, it never has been. And yes, it can be boring too. Jack is lucky to have you as you are providing him with stability and routine, and in my opinion that's what children need. Your post has inspired me to see if I can sign up for a French conversation class at the local senior education center!
ReplyDeleteChildren need predictable routines, it's what makes them feel safe and helps them grow, but for the adults, it can be mind numbing. I should be thankful really that life is boring for him now. It's a good thing.
DeleteA while ago I said that I would cease all contact with my two siblings after my father's death but it didn't happen - yet.
ReplyDeleteFor quite some time, over a year in fact, my daughter would only eat plain pasta with salad dressing (oil and vinegar) incl. breakfast and school lunch. We got to know all of the available pasta shapes. Eventually, she found a way to include ice cream and parma ham and mozzarella cheese and we branched out into antipasti and Italian food in general in very small steps. My in-laws and siblings thought we were grossly negligent and irresponsible and suggested various ways of trickery and bribes which we refused. She was fine and healthy throughout.
Kids and their food eating habits are so hard to deal with. I'm a picky eater, my kids were too, so was my dad, so is my brother and my nephew. It's a thing. The main thing I try to do is to make sure he gets enough protein and enough calories, everything will work itself out. Thank you so much for sharing this, it helps.
DeleteYes. Child rearing, and especially child TENDING can be incredibly boring. That is the truth of it. Most of the parents I knew growing up did not really do much with their kids. My mother didn't. My grandmother used to play games with us sometimes. She loved games. My grandfather would read to us sometimes and occasionally he would take my brother and me fishing. But mostly it was - you're a kid. Go play.
ReplyDeleteYour lying sister-in-law needs a stern talking to. Letter to follow. As my friend Lis says. What a jerk!
I'm so glad you're loving pottery. That is so very cool.
My parents never did anything with us either. We were feral in the summertime and bored out of our minds in the wintertime.
DeleteMy sister in law is a nasty woman, there is no talking to her.
I suppose your feeling of boredom is connected to the routines you maintain for Jack. Your pottery is something to interest you, but you need more, it seems. Perhaps because I procrastinate, I can't find time to do everything I want.
ReplyDeleteI did the routine thing for Katie for years and I think it's all coming back to me because I'm now looking at 12 more years of school and school routines. I'll be 75 when Jack is done school.
DeleteI hope you can find something to do that excites you! Hobbies can save our sanity.
ReplyDeleteI made a clay candle holder tonight after supper, quite enjoyed it.
DeleteKnit, learn ASL, sell your baking at the farmer's market...become a death doula?
ReplyDeleteI do knit and I took ASL for a few years when Katie was younger. A death doula does sound interesting though.
DeleteUgghhh that lady's "dating" experience!! What the hell is wrong with these "men". Well I guess mostly they just want to get laid without having to pay for it. I'm so glad I'm done with all that - I'm much happier on my own!
ReplyDeleteMost of the widows I know seem quite happy and content without a man in their lives.
DeleteNO words for that 65 year old creep. If only Gracie and your son were good enough to actually parent, or trustworthy enough to see Jack and keep him safe they could find fun things to do!
ReplyDeleteGracie can't get it together enough to even care for herself sadly.
DeleteWell, hopefully the pottery will make you feel less restless. WHAT is up with that guy who "dated" your friend?! That's appalling! My mom went on a similar date (that she didn't realize was a date) once when she was in her 60's. She came home and said he was "all hands." I didn't want to know!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Sorry. Couldn't help it.
DeleteYou would think that at some point, men would view women as something more than a vagina.
DeleteI'll never understand liars.
ReplyDeleteI've lied in the past and it did not go well. I try to avoid it at all costs now.
DeleteI am a death doula too
ReplyDeleteWhy does this not surprise me:) It's something that I wouldn't mind trying.
DeleteI have no suggestions as I am currently at that point in my life where my teenager still needs me to be a parent (as does my husband), my parents need me to be helping scaffold their care (as do my siblings), my work needs me to be very much more than full time and we are contemplating downsizing houses in the next few months. I yearn for boredom!
ReplyDeleteBoredom is fine for a week, or two, but eventually it wears thin. For me, it's the realization that the next 12 years of my life will be tied to the school calendar.
Delete